Writing for Life

I started a chapter of a book a while back, that I've been sitting with and nurturing, editing and refining. I feel a little like a kid with an open wound. Eww. I'll leave that image alone.

I've been working on outlining books and snippets and short stories for quite a while but this one is so personal it changes my mood with each read. I have no idea if it will affect others similarly. I'm thinking I should workshop it somewhere ... which leads me to wonder where I'll find the time in the new year.

So I'm assessing priorities and finding solutions. Space management, doing a better job of organizing my new apartment is an important mission for this month. So far it's going pretty smoothly, but it seems so mundane compared to creative time. I keep peeking over at my guitar and thinking it'd be more fun to pick that up than continue switching out summer clothes for sweaters.

Wondering who else has streamlined their lives lately and what recommendations you might have for neating up around the edges?

Flying High

I don't know if this is a common sentiment, but I am most grateful for the things I don't understand... like flying safely - or really, flying at all.

I love to travel. Which you'd expect from someone who prides themselves on seeing, doing, tasting and experiencing all that life has to offer. I think it's pretty hunky dory that in Judaism, there's a prayer for distance travel (no matter the means - the point is if you're going from the 'gates' of one city to another) and even more than all of that, I love that I'm privileged enough to be able to carry this prayer with me as part of my travel. It's called the prayer of (being on) the path. Tefilat Haderech. It thanks God for protecting and keeping us, and our wares safe.

In particular, I realized how important this prayer was when I recently flew to Ottawa, Canada for the wedding of two close friends (another story of blessings, which I will share soon). I packed items for the wedding celebration that included "poppers." You know, those new year's items that spew confetti. They're marked flammable and probably contain a small amount of some explosive or other...

Why it didn't occur to me this might not be good a good item to transport in my luggage until mid-flight is beyond me, but luckily my over-active imagination is all that got charged in transit. My wares, along with me, arrived safely and just in time for a wonderful, unforgettable wedding weekend.

So, knowing that I made it through customs and security just fine, my moment of zen is pictured above. I was flying in a small plane and sat in seat 12 a which overlooked the propellers and the landing gear. I didn't know I was holding my breath in our descent until I saw the landing gear come down.

I guess we don't always realize what takes our breath away or what keeps it away until it comes back. In yoga and reiki there is a lot of talk of acknowledging where we are holding. Of the importance breath. Of awareness. It has been a few months since I thought about all three of those things in one idea, but certainly seeing the sun in alignment with the plane wheel as we pulled into the (Toronto - stop over) airport helped bring me that clarity.

I will share more about Ottawa in an upcoming post, the great accommodations and more importantly the two weddings which kicked off November. Just wanted to share my moment of gratitude and the gorgeous shot I captured as we went from being in flight to being grounded, air to earth, safely, soundly and in one piece.

Best Question of the Week: "How is your Heart?"

If a doctor had asked the question, I would be in a gown, spouting my symptoms from rise to sleep. But I'm 28. I go to the doctor for unexplained symptoms, stomach problems, and most recently, an ear infection. We haven't discussed my heart beyond Cheerios. That is, how to keep my cholesterol in check in order to keep me heart-healthy.

Instead, the question came from a Rabbi. Well, a mentor, confidant, and friend, who is a Rabbi, teacher and a spiritual guide. He asked, "How is your heart?" and the completely honest answer is "... still not quite ready." The answer I wanted to give, the place I want to be is someplace still far off. Though not as far as when he and I sat down just over a year ago for coffee. I'm closer to that answer I want to give - "My heart is open and available, it is ready, it is healed, it is waiting ..." So the answer I gave continued, and I'd like partial credit for it. "I'm working on it... I'm learning ... I'm still having difficulty opening it to the right person..." many disjointed thoughts. Much reason for pause.

Since the season for renewal hit (some people call it fall, I call it the high holidays), I can tell you that I have been hyper-aware of my heart. I know it is still so tightly wrapped, protected. I keep trying to open up, and I know I do it only slightly, and rarely. Usually to "safe" people. That's been going on nearly eight years this December. People who can't possibly stay in my life long, or people who have been here forever. I can't manage the in between.

If I imagine my heart - right now - it is as a diver. Certainly not Olympic grade - probably not even competitive. A leisurely diver, toes over the board wavering about whether to take the plunge. I think a year ago, when I met with this friend my heart and I were on a high board - hardly able to see the pool below. Now, I can smell it, see it - I'm resting on this regular diving board - but I don't know what the temperature will be and I know I'm scared to just dive in. I want it to be graceful, I want it to garner applause. This is when I hate the perfectionist in me. I can be an amateur in love. Isn't everyone at first? I have to remind myself, I'm the only one watching and I need to get past the fear to recognize the fun. It's really going to be worthwhile. And if I fail somehow, I can get back out and dive again.

But diving isn't a sport I know. I'm not confident here - and I am typically a fountain of confidence. I've gotten back on a horse who has thrown me into a fence. I am stubborn and strong just like the animal who spooked and reared and couldn't wait to be rid of me. If I can have faith that the horse will be there for me, why can I not have the same trust in man? The universe has a way of working things out. Trust it. Sit with it.

I'm ready to dive. I'm ready to ride. I'm ready to see what all this hype is about.

Now, if only my words could be as effective as action.

Ooooooooobama? Puzzling Prizes

Talk about the "American Dream!" Here's one that's international - The Nobel Prize. I'd like mine in literature one day. I've written some outlines and drafts, so can I pre-order it now so that it's ready when I make it big? Seriously, I know some literary figures who actually campaigned for it. That taints it a bit. One of them even won.

Nevertheless, I was celebrating the Nobel Prizes that were announced earlier in the week because whenever a woman earns one, I rejoice. I really do love female role models, especially when they're in a field I wouldn't dream of entering.

Hence, Israeli woman Ada Yonath made me dance for joy in my office - she rocked the ribosome in her chemistry research and made major waves. She's 70. She split the prize with two men who did similar research. They are also similar in age. It seems to me, this has been their life's work, celebrated for it's contribution to society, particularly medicine - as it relates to how antibiotics work in our bodies.

Brilliant. I can even understand the work that she did. In science. That's a big deal for my liberal arts brain.

Building diplomacy. That's a liberal arts topic if I've ever heard one. It's subjective and involves historical analysis. It happens over high tea, around a bonfire (no not really, I just like the image - and Hawaii is home of the luau) it does not happen in eight months of presidency. That's right folks. President Barak Obama was sworn in in January. I know we like him a lot, I know there's a lot of potential, but in what way has he changed the world for the better? What peace are we experiencing with troops in Iraq, in Afghanistan and elsewhere?

A friend posted that he couldn't imagine something that would turn his "liberal-loving friends" against Obama would be this ... but I think the rationale escapes us, and the evidence is shoddy at best. Yes, kind of like that birth certificate...

Maybe someone just wanted to give him the prize money - and this category was the best way to do it?

Sorry for my cynicism, if anyone would like to enlighten me, I'm all ears. Also, I'm not anti-American for questioning this. I may be anti the Nobel committee though. I feel some shivers coming from graves.

Finding Perfection: Sukkah hopping around NY

Sukkot, which occurs each fall, is a week when traditionally, Jews eat (and live!) in the out of doors. In Israel the air is crisp and the fruit harvest is coming to an end. In New York, it’s cold, usually rainy and the wind nips at you. Luckily we have space heaters and layers and warm soup.

This “nature” experience is tempered, of course, by the lovely huts (called sukkot) we build to recall ananei cavod, the clouds of Glory, which were a sign that God was following us in the desert during the Exodus from Egypt. In the past I have spent my sukkot in two or three different structures and usually enjoy them, a bit.

This year, I had meals in 7 different sukkot, each of them unique. I was hoping to come up with a rating system, but each one felt so special that only the few words of Torah given Saturday morning suffice. A rabbi asks, “How many walls are mandatory in a sukkah?” the answer is “two and some” or two and “ehh” as I shouted out. “Why?” the Rabbi asks. Dead Silence. “Because when you put your arm around someone to hug them, your arm makes an angle and you’ve got two and an ‘eh’ angles. God hugs us when we are inside the sukkah.

Thanks God. I thought I liked being in your glory, but I’m sure I like being in your arms. I tend to find personifying God distasteful, but if You want me to build a structure to symbolize a hug, then I’m happy to sit inside of it and feel loved. If I were waxing poetic I might even call the image beautiful. While some buildings had just the required walls and others had four, mostly it was the company in them that made me feel full on embraced.

Anyway, I resort to the questions children ask on Passover –How is this year different from all others? I usually say almost all my blessings in a synagogue sukkah. Not this year. Though having one meal in the smaller of two sukkot at a local synagogue found us the only guests there – which made the one synagogue sukkah experience I had seem just like it was in my own backyard! But of course, my parents’ backyard is already filled with a sukkah, and I spent Monday night out at their house and in their hut with them. Mom made chicken soup per my request with WHOLE WHEAT matzoh balls and some of the best roasted chicken I’ve encountered. It was a joy to see my parents and to join them in their sukkah – to bench lulav with my dad and take the etrog from my great grandparents etrog box. The etrog is too big now. We get better produce than 80 years ago it seems… even in the business of the etrog! My parents and I took some time for Torah too. Rambam and the beleaguered, orphans and widows and that even when times are tough, we are fortunate to have a home to go to and a hut to eat in! Also cute, the following night when my parents had a synagogue board meeting, they loaned it out to our neighbors. So friendly!

Friends (new and old): Two UWSers hosted holiday meals in their personal sukkot … despite impending rain on both meals, they were LOVELY. One had a fish pond right beside the sukkah. Talk about a glorious connection to nature! The other I returned to during the week for s’mores in the sukkah. A firepit right outside of the sukkah kept us all happy and warm… and the beer and marshmallows did a good job too! Those were moving moments. There is something especially tremendous sitting amongst so many friends in a family feeling, small intimate sukkah built by hand.

So, given that I get so excited about these more intimate experiences, what should have been the farthest from my personal sukkah, one at the Jewish Theological Seminary, is actually the nearest to my heart. Not only because I am an alumna and it was a home to many college meals, but also because of the little plaque very few people probably notice. The sukkah is endowed by my darling ‘family’ Frances and Buddy Brandt. Their granddaughter is like a sister to me (having been my roommate for three years) and the sukkah is in the memory of her brother Oren. This was my most recent sukkah experience and to participate in something l’zecher Oren (in the memory of Oren) added so much more meaning to what has become a pretty common experience. I say these blessings in Oren's memory because he liked to build so much everyone thought he'd become an architect. Also, Oren definitely had the type of relationship with God where they were in a strong embrace. Always. So I sat last night hugging Oren’s memory, and also hugging his sister and his grandparents. I hope we were being hugged by God as well. Because in those moments is where God should be. And I returned today to bless some more. The beauty of a sukkah is often times in the people you share it with. Tonight I’m off to a celebration of volunteers for Limmud NY. And then, outside of the sukkah I will go celebrate another wonderful soul who is headed to Thailand to work on human rights and change the world for the better.

I live a blessed life… and this holiday season has reminded me of that tenfold.

I LOVE NEW YORK

July in New York has been jam packed with reasons to love it ... here are pictures and reports from my jaunts - including many reviews of restaurant week hot spots, cool concert venues and great friends galore. I must admit that any good NYC summer includes a weekend away from NYC - so while I can't report on the West Side fireworks display - I will soon post on my love affair with the summer sun and US spirit which pervaded DC. I have lived in and near NYC nearly fifteen years, yet I've only spent about 5 summers in Manhattan.

On that note, I'm a little sad that I only 'discovered' Shakespeare in the Park three summers ago.Also a bit sad that I didn't buy the apparel this year - as their 12th night inspired motto was "Crossdressing in the Park." As one of the fortunate few who did see the show I'm happy to report that Twelfth Night itself was an extraordinary win. With a history of films like "Devil Wears Prada" I did not know how talented that little Anne Hathaway was - and the rest of the cast was also sublime. Added bonus of my 2 tickets? They were a result of my first attempt at the "Virtual Line." This is a God send you'll have to google yourself, but I didn't miss camping out bright and early on a yoga mat with bugs and an egg sandwich delivery one bit... Logging on to find out my Thursday night date turned into sushi and Shakespeare couldn't have been a better treat. To make up for it, I scheduled a few picnics ... on my time, not at 6am.

Restaurant Week!

First, I'm not a huge fan of the term "foodie" partly because I predate it! But these culinary experiences may indeed make me qualify as one, if all of my previous cooking and dining forays did not. Either way, I really enjoy a good meal, and rarely can rationalize dropping the dough on it (eew, pun intended). This year I've enjoyed both lunches and dinners and I've got to thank the economy a little bit, because what was once two weeks has morphed into a summer long fest that I kicked off with visits to 4 restaurants this month ... and a few more reservations to come.

Nougatine ~ A ~ On our dining menu: Sweet Pea Soup, with Croutons, Brie And Dill, Artichoke, Mustard Mayonnaise chervil and lemon (with gerkins), Red Snapper, Lily-Bulb radish salad with white sesame and seabean (see photo above) This restaurant gets an A for all but the decor. My view was of central park though, and it's considered the "cafe" of Jean Georges so, if that's the case even decor was B+. (how can you equate limited bathrooms with your love of the food anyhow?)

I ask because the food was supreme. They don't specify what's an app and what's a main - just instruct you to select two dishes.I think the freedom pretty much lets you celebrate the menu and

your individual preferences. This delectable pea soup (which I wish I had ordered) after tasting it I am still asking ... why, why did I need an artichoke? - though it's pairing with mustard sauce and gerkins
was a treat -I was expecting more than a simply steamed vegetable
with dipping sauce. Although, the "more" was obvious in terms of service: a plate for my gnawed on leaves. Later in the meal - neatly arranged atop my fish,
I found myself enjoying vegetables I've written off in the past and others I'd rarely encountered. Versions of radishes that were savory and delish melted along with the fish in my mouth.
But the dessert was the most pleasant surprise. I could be disappointed that the chocolate cake was really more of a souflet but WHO would complain when they find melty chocolate beneath their layer of cake. Candied vanilla bean rests against a wonderfully fresh vanilla bean scoop... which tops cookie crumbs. Truly delectable.

Fishtail by David Burke ~ A- ~ He's renowned for his ability to be so inventive and his food is considered dynamic ... I finally discovered why!
For one, all that "Top Chef" rage of foam? I get it. My salmon with bok choy does look like it's covered in sea foam, but I've never wanted to lap up sea foam like this sauce. The chef could have opted for baby BC over full grown, but mostly because then I might not have needed the proper knife which was lacking for this tremendous vegetable. We actually started our meal with a terrine of wild mushrooms and gnocchi with asparagus that did not photograph anywhere near as beautifully as it tasted.

The gnocchi seemed to have been pan fried after cooking, so they attained a crisp carmelized layer that enhanced the soft fluffiness of the pasta while complimenting the earthy texture of the dish.
With the flavors already dead on, and playful whimsy of texture thus far the most important ground to cover was that we didn't opt for the bubblegum flavored lollipop cheesecake tree. Ok, the cheesecake lollipops aren't bg flavored, the whipped cream is. Either way... not for us. Instead, we split our desserts so I have to be grateful - because I had something I never would have ordered. An updated S'more! My order - I believe a salted caramel chocolate cake (?) was also decadent and devastatingly wonderful. But a deconstructed smore and homemade marshmallow. woah. one of a kind.

Tao ~A~ Post-bliss inducing salmon, YEEEEES Please! Can I go back now? Seems my lunches were major wins. App - Steamed vegetable dumplings with a cool cucumber salad. They weren't soo amazingly wonderful I have to go get more now, but they were quite good. And yes, that's a bamboo steamer you see. We did two entrees and split them - in this instance a bad call. When you see something that you know will be exactly what you want ... you don't want half of something else. Especially not when it's a lunch portion. The veggie noodle dish was just that. Unremarkable, though I think it was a pad thai. But the Salmon over Soba noodles .......... was........ a sauce to live for. I can't tell you what was in it, but I've been playing with combinations of white miso, sake and sesame

ever since in an attempt to recreate it. I opted for a light dessert of mixed fruit with tangerine sorbet. The sorbet was excellent. The (not quite exotic) fruit mostly came from a can (except the fresh berries aplop the top) - granted it made it very likely I can repeat the dessert at home - lychees, pineapple and mandarin oranges, fresh blackberries and raspberries - but nothing to write about. If it hadn't been for the wonder of the main course, and the fun decor, great mixed drink, helpful waiter or tempura banana in the center of the banana bread pudding, I would not have been quite as scintillated by the meal... but that sauce and the dining experience overpowered any other dish that could raise doubt in mind about getting my $'s worth.

Kept busy doing other "new york" summer activities too. Including a summer concert at City Winery. Howie Day performed... quite beautifully. Nothing goes quite so well with a concert as wine and cheese ...or at least that's what city winery tends to purport. Artichoke crostini's are super, but better was the discovery of a cheese I now hunt down at Murray's called morbier - two layers of sheep's cheese separated by ash. Sounds weird, tastes creamy and delish.

The ash separates the morning milking from the evening ... kind of neat. It's the top one with the dark coloring down the middle it has a slight rind, and is reminiscent of Brie. Enjoy it on crusty bread.

That's most of the food stuff I learned this summer. Also, don't go to Megu for restaurant week. I really wanted to like it, but their service failed, as it did for the table beside us. The green tea crepe cake, however, took the cake and impressed me to no end. But you can't order it. Dessert restaurant week is just chef's choice.

FUNdraisers & Events of Worth

One of the amazing things about living in New York City (or near any big city) is that there is never a dearth of things to do. That said, if you can be in Manhattan - Thursday, AUGUST 6, 2009 - SAVE THE DATE! (In fact go ahead and register now - ticket prices will go up)! I'm on the host committee and would love to see you at
THE TRIBECA SOCK HOP: TWIST & SHOUT FOR CHARITY!!!
8-Midnight
4 Hour Open Bar
Live performance by The Transformers-- 12 indie rock kids playing the sounds of Motown. This is a fundraiser, so the $40 ticket is going straight to children who need it through Chabad Children of Chernobyl. This great organization, which assists Chernobyl and the surrounding region in many ways, focuses on airlifting kids out of an area still devastated by this tragedy. It combines so many of my passions into the mission of one organization. Learn more about it on their website, watch the video on the ticket link or ask me. I could praise their fine work for hours on end. To buy tickets, in case you haven't caught the above links purchase them at http://ccoc.net/fundraising/s/29. And THANKS for your support - it will really be a fun night. Also, I know I'm corny. But the 50s were all about that kind of cheese - this event will definitely put the FUN in fundraiser.

Ok, now that I'm done with my hostess committee obligations (for this post at least) I will consider the matter at hand.

Our "to do lists" are a mile long. The errands, work obligations, health and wellness all take up time. Yet, when Monday hits I realize that my personal list has been replaced with a list of social obligations and opportunities. I have had something on my calendar every night of the week since the week before summer officially kicked off. This level of over commitment is brought to you by a woman who thinks that she has actually learned to say no! Yes, I can choose downtime, but what could be more fun than trying to be three places at once on a Thursday night in Manhattan? Perhaps this is where my California upbringing is particularly useful - to balance the drive to go and do with a laid back approach. (Note: Here's where I get paranoid I sound like a flake. I may get defensive about that in some other post, but here I'll just assure you that I handle my obligations and commitments with etiquette - or simply put, I'm not.)

Most of what drives me to saying yes is a personality thing. I am a people person, and if you are one of the people I care about, I will find the energy and make the time for you. Especially if you ask me to. Directly. In a phone call. Or an email. Or a voice mail. Or any other form of direct inquiry you can fathom.

I CAN SAY "NO" Or at least, I want to believe I can. I buy into the whole "put yourself first" thing. But when spending time with my friends makes me happier than working out, I'm going to choose my friends. Then I'll walk the 30 blocks home instead of getting on the bus. (Not overstating my case there, I've done that walk 4 times in the last 8 days.) So, what tips and tricks have you picked up recently that help you say no? How do you set limits and boundaries? Or is it even necessary? Whatever I think I know about the topic clearly hasn't quite penetrated yet. I know this mostly because ... YOU ASK, I ANSWER (YES!) Sometimes the "downtime" plan fails miserably. For example, I planned a Friday night of nothing to do. Intentionally. I was having over friends for lunch Saturday. I wanted to cook, clean and cram in as much sleep as possible. But when I ran into a friend who asked me to come out to lend an ear over a potluck picnic in the park, I didn't say no. How could I resist a request like that? So my night of planned serenity was replaced with rewarding, heartwarming connections. Including the opportunity to enjoy a beautiful pink sunset over Riverside park. Am I placing a value on community building and interconnectedness? By putting people first, perhaps I am. I don't always think this hard about the decisions I make, but when it feels this right, I should probably stop second guessing myself and just go with it.

I don't know if you find this type of behavior is more true for your single friends than those in a relationship, or if it's just a personality thing. I think it's more the latter, though the fact that I am single definitely influences my desire to go out and mingle. Also, I pay tooth and nail to live in this city, and I better enjoy it while I'm here. So baseball games, central park, concert tickets and picnics overlooking the Hudson. Toss in some spontaneity and you could find me at a pool party, open bar, dance-a-thon, or just looking across the table at a great friend enjoying this fine city as it's meant to be - while living life to the fullest.

Do I have a plan when I make my plans? I'd like most of what I do outside of the office to be filled with friends fun and meaning, but I don't have some advanced self-soothing system. I like to make sure I do something educational and cultural amidst all the fun, which is especially appealing if it's $5 or less or just plain free.

A few of my secrets to finding great (cheap, cheap, really cheap, even free) ways to fill a night: Pick up a local paper -NYC suggestions: AM New York, Metro, Village Voice
NYC Websites: calendars, city tourist sites are helpful, like NYCgo (street fairs galore!)
Multi-city deals: Going.com & Daily candy
If you want to do it, it's out there. There are all sorts of free event lists from jazz and swing dancing in Lincoln center to wine tastings to comedy, and whether you have one friend or many who are great to hang with, you might as well find ways to do it on the cheap. I also do look for fundraisers when I have some cash in the budget to spend on these events. Some tie in wine tasting or networking with their events, so that they're multipurpose and meaningful. Like the Sock Hop. In case you didn't already buy your ticket. What are your suggestions for inexpensive ways to keep the calendar full?

Chelsea Market is a favorite spot for the foodie in me, and you can walk out having enjoyed free samples of chocolate, cheese, wine, and baked goods without spending a dime. Also, with everything they've packed in there, I can usually knock off some of the errands on my "to do" list. Entertainment wise, you've hit the jackpot here. There's often live music performances and comedy or food network events. Despite the freebies, I always end up purchasing a thing or two. My true weakness is a restaurant called Green Table. It's sustainable, organic and delicious. Oh, and it serves some great mixed drinks. What more could a girl ask for? (Except for that cookie monster cupcake for dessert!?)

On Knowing it All (PT II)

So, will I be walking away from facebook? I have no inclination to do that.

I've had a little while to consider this love affair I have with FB. Quite honestly, the life cycle news circuit doesn't bother me (yet), it's really kind of like a synagogue newsletter with personal flair. But I must admit that I've limited my facebook news feed - to the friends who are nearest and dearest, or at least those who lead the most interesting and intellectual lives publicly via the site. I don't take issue with life cycle events. I love getting that information. And, I'll put it politely as possible, it's not that I don't like you for having the free time to take 20 quizzes a day or share your laundry habits with me, it's that I don't want to resent you for it. So, often, I decide that I've just got to let your updates go buhbye... at least, until it's 2am and I can't fall asleep and hit the "63 hidden posts" feed. If you don't know how to hide posts or applications, it's a simple click of the little button as you scroll over the right side of your news feed. Now as new people "friend" you, you can choose whether to include them in your feed.

The truth is that having over 1,000 facebook friends means that at certain times of day I can't realistically scan all of the things that appear on my news feed. I post at those peak times too - the 7-8:45am, 12-2pm, 5-6pm rushes... I love you all for it. We're such good employees that we don't want to "play" on facebook while we should be working. There are studies about what a distraction it is, there are others saying it helps us focus... either way... good for you for working hard.

I find it especially enticing to "play" on facebook because it's right there on my phone. When I'm stuck on the bus or just waiting around, it passes the time. Here's also to admitting that I do like being connected and in the know about all of my friends. But now that summer has started and I have something calendared for every night of the week (more on all that in upcoming posts), I'm less likely to find myself with spare time. So here are the lurking questions - if I'm spending time playing a game online with a friend, why am I not taking that time to talk to him or her? When I play scrabble with someone in person, we jest, we interact. Getting a notification doesn't quite compare to those moments. I am left, still, questioning the value of facebook vs face time.

So, with that in mind, the steps I've taken thus far include a vigorous cleaning up my news feed. A while ago I made sure that none of my applications post to my news feed. You don't need to know about my addiction to mafia wars. I've thought about cleaning up who I share my own updates with too, but I'm not sure if that's more offensive than just living my life out loud. Larry raises a good point - I used the extreme examples because they are extremes. But when I'm finding the time to post a wall update but not make a personal call or write an email, am I breaking down relationships instead of building them?

What it is great for:

Advice! All you people are so knowledgeable! Whether I need a recipe STAT, consumer advice, computer freak outs, or a suggestion for great drinks, you all know where it's at and are happy to share. Thank you for being able to contribute to my awareness that google does not know it all.
Sharing (actual) news: I hardly need to read CNN, with 5 of my friends posting responses to news events and great articles like the "Gayby Boom" and I love that the NYT feed keeps me updated, if there are a few too many plane accidents and incidents for my liking.
Insights: Hey, I liked your AIM away messages once upon a time, inspired or inspiring, share it with me
Making contact: I've lived many places in my life, participated in many different activities and meet new people all the time - what a great way to reunite. But ... Oh, I am so guilty of this it hurts. There are instances when taking it from FB to reality is a natural next step - I still haven't called a childhood friend to catch up. She asked me to do so months ago. (Now that I've admitted it, I plan to try her this afternoon.)
Travel: More than in the advice category of planning a trip. We move around a lot. I'm headed to DC this afternoon and used FB to check who's there. Better, after emailing a few friends to let them know, I not only had restuarant suggestions and plans, but multiple offers for a place to stay. You guys are godsends. I'm also hosting up a storm this summer of passers-thru NYC. It's just great for us all to be so connected.

Despite all of that, I will still question your "last minute tickets" posts, because I hope that you called/emailed your core friends/family/colleagues first to offer them those hot spots next to you. I will wonder how you find the time to take twenty quizzes when the best books you read were 10 years ago in college. I do it to myself, so I'll do it to you. I'm also almost likely to be entertained if the quiz is really pertinent - which Ivy are you, which 80s toy - gosh that's cute.

I also want to address the extremes one last time. I have the utmost respect for my friends who managed to make the list of phone calls and share the news with me personally before their engagements hit the internet. These women know who they are. I couldn't be happier or prouder to have received these calls, because it connotes a certain tone of intimacy that many of us are just losing in our relationships. I was also asked in certain of these instances to keep the buzz of excitement off the internet for a while. Props to you all for remembering how to communicate with the world. Similar props to the email birth announcement, so great to see a picture of your daughter in my inbox only hours after she was born.

I must admit, that sometimes I hide behind facebook (or emails) to avoid using my words. I am not sure that I have ever done it with the intention to hurt any more than I have made the decision not to invite someone to a party or a meal with the best of all possible intentions - to surround myself with the people who I love most, who support me most, and to whom I would give the utmost support. So, if in the process you're entertained knowing about my ventures or reactions, I'll try to keep those breif posts upbeat and avoid the mundane that will have you hiding me from your own news feed.
Are you considering treating facebook differently? I didn't even consider work ramifications, networking or resourcing friends for more than travel. What changes have you made or might you?

On Knowing it All: Information Overload & Pride

Run with me for a bit down memory lane ... I'll tie it in with our technology obsession ... especially those glorious social networking sites sitting there, glowing, calling out to you.

There is one college memory I particularly relish. I was sitting next to one of my gay friends as he was struggling with the details of coming out. (You know, if you've been through this yourself or with a friend. The same questions arise as those of a reporter's mantra, the who, what, when, where, & how.) We were amidst a kick-off lunch to start the semester and he didn't recognize many of our classmates. I insisted I could not only tell him their names, but each of their sexual statuses with about 90% accuracy. I knew who was still holding onto the V-card, who was in what type of relationship, who had gotten some but wouldn't get close again without a major gift in a little blue box ... and the like.

By the way, while I could provide that information, I didn't, save for the most public cases, so don't go getting huffy on me for being a gossip. I went through the check list in my mind - without revealing the sordid (or pristine!) details of their lives ... but I knew them. He was shocked. I knew most of the information first hand, but why? Is that desire to share it all just ego? Why did I know the person next to me was gay, but he had convinced his closest college friends he was bisexual? What put me in the center of everyone's love life? I was in the loop, sure. More often, though, I was a trusted confidant. One freshman guy I would hardly have called a friend came to me and said, "the girl I'm dating now doesn't want to sleep with me, which is fine, but I slept with someone in high school and kind of miss that." "Oh?" (never insert your own opinion here, there's always more revealed the less you talk.) "I don't want to pressure her, so I don't want to tell her that I've had sex before ..." I must admit, I was baffled that he was sharing this with me. I think I was just a convenient sounding board. I don't think the conversation came to a particular conclusion, but there I was listening to it. 4 years later, when I'd heard she had come out of the closet, it all made sense. Of course, a straight 19 year old girl could just as easily not be ready, but there I am, passing judgment.

I am pushing my agenda a bit, running two themes here which happen to be in parallel. But the overlap of the information conduit and sexuality have me fascinated because I think that sexuality is one of the most personal bits of information we can possibly share. Yet, Logan Levfkoff, a sexologist I worked with last year put it best when she pointed out "whether people are 15 or 55, it’s a good bet they’re not going to tell the truth about their sex life." So did everything I "knew" about my college peers turn out to be true? I'm sure not... after all, I kept some of my own forays secret, and I'm sure others who had something to prove used words instead of actions.

In that spirit, there have been about 5 coming out stories I'm aware of since I graduated, at least one of which happened on friendster.

Is that the reason we love keeping up with our friends through social media? Not just to satisfy the voyeur in us with others' jaunts and drama, of course, but so that we feel more connected to others' lifecycle events? So we're not embarrassed when we are surprised by someone who recounts the engagements, marriages, children etc. of shared connections you once had?

How do you feel about social media as a tool for making your private life semi-public? For instance, sharing wedding albums, or even simpler, party albums? Most of us do it naturally. But does sharing your joy create unnecessary hurt? (Have you ever seen an album or event and wondered why you weren't invited? If you were thought about at all ... as an former best friend, lover, roommate, Greek brother or sister, etc.) There's a principle in Judaism that even sharing someone's good news is gossip - I've always said this about a marriage announcement. You don't know who was once in love with the soon to be bride or groom, or how much hurt just hearing that name can bring a scorned lover. If that sounds a little wild, think about how much hurt it is for a couple who cannot conceive to hear about all of the births and adoptions taking place in their high school class. It might be one thing to hear about each instance one at a time, but from one reporter, it can exacerbate the pain.

If this were to take place in a conversation, I would advise you to just walk away. But what about when it happens on your computer screen? I think its soo cute that at least 6 of my friends had children in the past month, but if I was trying to get pregnant, I might feel differently. Like when the term “facebook mommies” popped up in someone's status ... eep. But isn’t it great to have a social network you can simply ask a question of? “Need a new camera?

So, will I be walking away from facebook? Will you?


While I have no inclination to do that, how I handle FB has changed. I will share why and how in a post later this week. I must admit, I need a little time to reflect on the ways in which I may be guilty of inflicting emotional harm through the site... and consider what I could or should do differently, if anything at all. I don’t have a simple wrap up for this one. Just to mention that I was so focused on the topic of PRIDE because of the pride parade this past weekend. While I spent the day with my family celebrating my parents' anniversary and my dad's birthday, there is nothing like NYC – so I’ve included a picture from the subway later that day … and a request - please, opine away!

An Invitation: The American Dream

We all want to find success - in pursuit of our passion, or in establishing financial freedom. We want to be high achievers in work, love, family, and education. Social media works so well because we all have egos. We want to shout our accomplishments from the rooftops. If that's the case, then yes, call this my rooftop. After all, I live in a city with limited roof access.

The "American dream," of social mobility has evolved and intertwined with our demand for instant gratification, and now it seems Americans (and we are not alone in this, of course) are enticed by a life of excess. Call it what you will, but it's more than consumerism, it's a culture of emulating the wrong culture makers. A drive to live like a star. Is the "American Dream" what drove this nation into debt? Has it become a little bit soulless? Perhaps. It may be time for a new American dream.

There's that environmental dream on the horizon. I heard it first in whispers when smog covered LA in the 80s. To some extent, I consider myself an environmentalist. But I don't want to forgo society for one cause. This isn't about a cause, it's about lifestyle choices. To that end, I've heard great speeches which leave me questioning if the massive portion of my paycheck spent on rent couldn't better be distributed to the hungry, the needy, the impoverished, ill and elderly in this community or elsewhere. But I worked for this paycheck, I earned it. Don't I deserve to enjoy the (organic) fruits of my labor? Or is that just an icky outcropping of entitlement?

In all of my professional pursuits, I work with and for organizations and institutions that change the world, whether it's by supporting families, educating our youth, researching environmental trends and solutions to poverty. There is no denying that I have chosen a profession which is part of the greater picture, and I am proud of what I do. I will always question what personal decisions I make... I just may not do it at the moment I'm trying on those glorious shoes at DSW.


Is it selfish of me to want the red heels or cashmere sweater? Is it worse for me to skimp and buy an item from a company that probably employed underage and overworked children? What can I do to assuage this guilty conscience?

I am going to dedicate myself to accomplishing my own American dream. The one that includes a bevy of activities that make me happy. Those that I can both enjoy and create: food, art, social opportunities, Jewish learning & teaching, writing, yoga and those which I can pursue: friendship, love, perfect nights, new experiences, eco-consciousness, happiness, health, and that ever elusive sense of balance.

So I invite you to share in my experiences, accomplishments and challenges. It's bound to be an exciting trip.

Do you care if I accomplish it all?

I must admit, I am deciding between sharing a slurry of pieces that span experiences, encounters and issues or focusing on just one topic. Should I come to this effort to share what inspires at that moment? Whatever my interests and passions, be they food, drink, city hot spots, music, travel, Judaism, writing, yoga, connecting people, societal critique, successes in the workplace, the pursuit of love, or whatever falls on - or off- my plate that day? Will it work for me to just write under an umbrella, expressing this great "accomplish it all" attitude or is my audience going to want to hear a more focused tidbit?

Well, I’ll sleep on this. Off to contemplate and I will invite your opinion in the morning.