My Attitude of Gratitude: Cultivated in 2010

I’m not the kind of woman who seeks mentors. I have found a rare few in my life, a professor who I worked for in college and graduate school, a colleague or two. But typically, I’m a fiercely independent person. That’s why, in reflecting on what I’m so grateful for this past year, I’m surprised to say that the first thing that pops into my head after health, is one Sissy Block. A wonderful friend, I am feeling particularly grateful to her because she made me a generous offer this year. She suggested we become “writing partners” - she is the person with whom I meet weekly or bi-monthly to sit beside as we write our respective creative projects. Both are books. Very different, very fictionalized, but both very personal. Having someone beside you while you pour your guts onto a page (or computer screen) is unbelievably validating. What sometimes felt self indulgent now feels powerful, significant, important, occasionally even urgent.

Our “writing dates,” as I call them, alternate neighborhoods for convenience and optimal wifi (though it’s not on the whole time we write! Focus is key). Most days we get over the loud study group or bad date nearby. In fact, if it’s a bad date I usually use it for material for the book I’m working on. Showing up for a writing date is like a planned coffee with a best friend. If you’ve ever had the type of friend who you could pick up with whether it had been one week or one year, that’s the feeling I get when I walk into a room to write with Sissy. She and I don’t need to catch up, the book and I do, and because Sissy’s there, I can pick up exactly where I left off.

When I’m sick, but we meet anyway, I find that I actually do my best writing. My most insecure thoughts, my most off-limit topics, suddenly become easier to deal with than my stomach ache … and I just write - no holds barred. Some really beautiful things come from those moments.

When we take a break from writing to catch up on our personal lives, after all, Sissy and I know each other from volunteering together and get along quite nicely on our own, Sissy reminds me to “write it” to “use it” because it’s here, it’s real. “It” has become better and better thanks to her encouragement. The gratitude we have for one another, for the forward momentum we create by being together in our creative efforts is palpable most days.

Sometimes we laugh out loud at our writing. We share exciting moments of character development. Her project is farther along than mine - and I know that she’ll come to me one day and say she doesn’t need to meet any more... but having her beside me as I’ve taken my first steps on this journey of writing my first novel makes me feel like I’ve taken strides where I would have taken baby steps, and for that I am forever grateful.

Sissy Block and I both have full time jobs working within Jewish academia. We are both active volunteers for Limmud NY. In fact, we met at Limmud NY. You never know where you will be when someone wonderful impacts your life. I’m just lucky we found one another!

My 30 before 30

Here’s the bottom line – I haven’t been blogging lately because I’ve been dedicated to writing a piece for publication. Ok, by piece I mean book, and between that, volunteering for four organizations (shoutouts to Limmud NY, Keren Or, Columbia Hillel Young Alumni Advisory Committee, and Kehilat Hadar), working full time, and maintaining some semblance of a social life I haven’t had time to toot my own over-achieving horn. Not because I haven’t had toot worthy experiences. I promise you, I’ve had them! I just haven’t had time to keep them on record.

So, I’m six months from thirty and inspired by my friend PrettyGreenGirl (Who now has a 30 while 30 list) to embrace the 30 before 30 … I’ve accomplished a lot lately, but I thought of some things I’ve never done, and here are mine:

1. Finish the first draft of my first book (Self imposed deadline: 30^th birthday)
2. Plan and take a trip to a continent I haven’t been to (Options: South America, Asia, or Africa) 1/26/11 Ok, many of my friends took me down memory lane and reminded me that Israel is in Asia, but I meant more proper, and I've been to Africa because, well, hello, Egypt is in Africa ... so I'm officially getting too old to remember where I was 11 years ago or I'm geographically challenged. Or, the fact I'm accomplishing this only by way of going to Israel in a few weeks means we'll have to compromise ... been to 'recently.' (which fits with #25)
   
3. See a natural wonder I haven’t yet seen
4. Photograph the perfect sunset
5. Find an extremely fulfilling opportunity to build community (see 4 organizations I volunteer for above … but I have a new one as of 11/10 too!)
6. Start writing down the etiquette lessons I preach to friends (Oh, and practice what I preach)
7. Make life more like the chocolate show
8. Find the perfect “at home” facial
9. Eat something that sparkles. 11/10/10 Work event included a dessert basket from Josh's place. Their mini rice crispy treats were not only delicious, but sparkled. That took no time at all!
   
10. Find the perfect pair of jeans
11. I have mad sewing skills – find time to use them on the bag of clothing that needs repair.
12. Ritualize dumpling night. 12/17/10 For the third "christmas" in a row, a meal where the dumplings are the star! I'll add more variations, but posted one recipe for spicy peanut chicken pot-stickers a while back. They are divine. This is a chanukah/december/christmas holiday tradition that will last forever.
    
13. Find a way to keep better track of the remote control
14. New Mantra: Farmers’ markets are great – other markets are supplements. No over-stuffing the fridge. Just because it looks good in the store doesn’t mean I have the time to cook it.
15. Try Bikram Yoga
16. ‘Discover’ a waterfall and spend the day picnicking and lounging beside it.
17. Have tea time at the Plaza (in general find an excuse to return to the oak room. What a good meal)
18. Walk the Brooklyn bridge (despite the cliché)
19. Have dinner at the four seasons –because my mother is still talking about her dinner there 35 years later.
20. Make a necklace with the beads collected from trips to DC’s store, Bedazzled.
21. Find NYC’s version of Teaism. Frequent it. Often.
22. Try five new foods!
23. Gamble more than $20 (preferably in AC or LV … go for it!)
24. Broadway : See Wicked on Broadway B. Decide to go to a show last minute (La Cage aux Folles, Life in the Theater)
25. Register for a class at Columbia University (ok, so it won’t be the first time, but it’ll be the first time in +5 years)
26. Check out “first Saturdays” at the Brooklyn Museum
    
27. Ice skate in Bryant park (I had hot chocolate there once, but had hurt my ankle and couldn't skate) 1/1/11 - My friend Andy has his own skates in the city and heads there at every chance he gets, so late at night after 'recovery brunch' and recovery nap we headed down there and he kept me distracted while we waited on the very long line... once I got on the ice I remembered how much I loved skating growing up... ahh, Parkwood... I just want to head out to my parent's place and pick up my skates and never get off the ice...
    
28. See a performance at Joe’s Pub
29. Stroll through the gardens at Wave Hill
30. Walk across the park for free Saturday at the Jewish Museum

Apocolyptic News ..

Whether or not you've been bitten by the Twitter bug, my take on this media tool is mixed. Lately, more than anything else, this steam serves to remind me why I wasn't watching the TV news in the first place. I joined this particular variant strain of social and educational media for the great discounts it gave me access to. Once registered, I found even more bits of value in it. Thanks to twitter I know what's going on in the world without skimming news websites for headlines. If it's important, a news agency will send it right to me, without clogging my inbox, then I can decide to read further or not. I need to keep current on a lot of newsworthy topics for work, so what a convenient way to do so.

Besides, how dreadful could the news get if it's condensed to 140 characters?

Pretty damn dreadful.

Since the start of 2010, I've learned about natural disasters hitting the globe: earthquakes, avalanches, a terrible heatwave, a tsunami. Just today in Haiti an earthquake that has warranted another tsunami warning. Beyond the planet doing as it does, it is always painful to see reports of people inflicting pain on one another. 2010 has already brought it hard. In the form of bombs (hitting military bases, tourist sites, transit, religious institutions, and private homes), shootings, road rage, theft, sexual abuse and kidnapping. I've read about war and the threat of it, and the death of soldiers that inherently comes with military incursions and just having bases in other countries. The word "terror" or "terrorist" keeps reappearing in the feed. Hostage situations. Huge layoffs, the remnants of a country's floundering economic infrastructure. That's a lot of demolition for one optimist to handle.

Plus there are the unexplained. A 30 year old dying of 'natural' causes. Government's inability to consider gay marriage equal to heterosexual marriage. The news items that hurt my heart.

Don't get me wrong, there are the human interest headlines too, and I subscribe to zagat and others that sprinkle happiness into this stream of dismal. Or I'll come across a piece that is community service or social justice oriented, or highlights eco-friendly practices. It makes me remember that something is right with this world. Somewhere things are in place.

Despite the occasional story of valor, heroism or worth, I can't just let go of the concern raised by the countless disasters that I learn of. At best, I am drawn toward prayer - for peace, for serenity, for an understanding that will help me return to that sense of gratitude I have every night I go to bed, and every day I wake up.

This spring I will have the opportunity to get to know a few journalists closely. I wonder what I should ask them about what it means for them to be in the trenches with the kinds of events that make me realize the world is a little bit crazy. I also can't help but question what is the value of much of this news? In what ways does knowing about all this dread; crimes, dysfunction, terror help me live a better life?

I can't help but wonder. And exhale. And realize that in order to accomplish it all, I may not need to know it all.