A Tribute to Love

Sissy's view from the heavens

Dvar Torah for Parshat Yitro - Haftarah Isaiah 2014

Sissy and David had a fabulous wedding weekend. I quoted some less traditional commentators: Nora Ephron and Maya Angelou. So it feels pertinent to share this today. Added bonus, the couple is currently celebrating in Israel, where Sissy lived ten years.

A Tisch talk:

As one of my favorite Torah scholars, Billy Crystal, says in When Harry Met  Sally:  “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.”

I teach that in the name of Nora Ephron, a great influence and inspiration to our dear Sissy.

I've been using this teaching on every occasion where people say "what a fast engagement!" or remark at the pace of your perfectly timed relationship. Because you want to continue your life's journey together as soon as possible - and that's more than admirable. My parents did the same thing (in even less time!) some forty plus years ago.

So let me share with you what the Torah portion, Yitro, says to help inform your marriage for years to come: 

First and foremost, respect your in-laws. The harder part is what Moshe embodies when he carries out this idea with his father-in-law - Listening, absorbing and adopting the advice of his in-laws.
BUt after we think about all that richness, the way that  leader gains new skills is what I find most fascinating for the both of you. You are both leaders in your communities. In those capacities, I hope you approach each other knowing that you have the hearts of Moshe - who listens and learns to prioritize. Realizing what is essential and important, giving the little things no credence. May you be blessed in marriage enough to, like Moshe, delegate or dismiss small matters for the sake of the big picture. May you always receive good counsel and be attuned listeners and responders as Moshe teaches us to be.

Another highlight of the parsha is as God makes the covenant at Sinai  and promises to make the Israelites a "treasured possession among all the peoples" - V'hayitem segula micol haamim ki li col. God grants this role conditionally, but my wish is that your love will continue unconditionally. God goes on to grant Israel the status of a "holy nation" I kingdom of priests, The Lord says - mimlechet cohanim v'goy kadosh.

Sissy - you have found for yourself a priest, a Cohen, who has the privilege of knowing the most unique blessing - Birkat Cohanim. It goes: "In the spirit of the holiness of Aaron, we are commanded to bless the people Israel with love." The blessing (after the chatima) goes: b’kedushato shel aharaon, vitzivanu lvarech et amo Yisrael b’ahava.

It's the only blessing we give that has the word Love in it. And it is David's job to dispense loving wishes to all of Israel. I know you have seen him generously dispense his love to Benjy and Sammy, to his community, countless friends and to you - and yours. May your love for each other continue to grow. I'm glad to know David as the type of person, much like you (!), who is capable of opening his heart to envelop an entire room.

Because I've gotten to know Sissy so well over our years of writing dates, one of which was so welcomely joined by a reading of David's proposal poem to you, I'd like to close with the words of a favorite poet of mine - Maya Angelou - who recently said (um, posted on Facebook), "Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope." To that I say - May your love for one another never recognize barriers. May it always arrive full of hope. In its jumping, leaping, determined state, always grow, leaving you the wiser and more content for having done so.

And always know that from the books of the Torah to the people in this room, and amongst all of the communities you have found yourselves attached to - we are here to support your leaps, so keep us with you, as you stand on the precipice of what will be a majestic future. You are at your personal Sinai - the moment when marriage will be revealed newly, uniquely to the both of you. (*and if you get a little discombobulated this weekend, know that the Israelites at Sinai were ten times that!)

_______
Sissy’s recent fortune at a Chinese restaurant read: “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless” May you always approach each other with kindness, and may this love of your be endless.

"How am I gonna be an optimist about this?"

That title is from the song Pompeii. I don't usually use song lyrics to title my pieces, but it felt terribly appropriate. Thanks Pandora.

 

On my slow road to recovery, the past eighteen months have been, more than anything else, all about me.

Because they had to be. I'm  not used to that.

Sneakers. But a good day!

What hurts my heart is all the lasting damage from a silly broken leg. I try and stay positive: The second surgery helped! I don’t need a third! I’m taking a break from these crazy nerve blocks. I’m walking further, more freely!

Truth be told, I still feel wrecked. Despite the intense physical therapy. Despite the acupuncture. Despite the fact I only describe the sensations in my leg as pain when I’m working with doctors and health care practitioners. I just want these sensations to be that. I don’t want to categorize the discomfort as pain. It’s relatively easy to compartmentalize because I don’t really have a vocabulary for these sensations.

When a neighbor, a friend, a colleague says, “Oh! You’re walking. How are you feeling.” And I say “Better” I realize I have to clarify. My better is somewhere near 75% … It’s better but not best. And that’s frustrating. Some days are on the better side, and others are far worse.

And more than anything else, it makes me mad. That frustration, coupled with the side effects from the medication that barely works is often enraging. I’ve gained forty pounds. Hardly any of my clothing fits. I have, at most, ¼ of the energy and enthusiasm I’m known for.

I’ve wondered aloud to friends who might know, “Is this what depression feels like?” It’s possible my need to slow it down is the outcome of the pain. It’s possible this is a cyclical (unidentifiable) cause and effect. The medication has a mood related side effect. But I think it really is mostly physical. I needed a full day to recover from vacation while I was still on vacation earlier this month. I’d walked a lot at Jazz fest. In sneakers, of course.

Fading scar...

While in the happiest place I could be, and feeling thoroughly happy, I was still exhausted, so that was a good way of checking in for me. My body is still not what I want it to be. I’m healing in measurements that aren’t significant enough for me to record daily. If I were just getting one thing right consistently, I might feel stronger. I can't focus on writing, I have to practice yoga in a modified way, my attention span is far shorter, standing to enjoy anything is, simply put, immediately exhausting (particularly if I'm not medicated).

So I’ve found myself turning further inward, not because I don’t appreciate my relationships, but because I don’t have the energy to push them along. That ball has to stay out of my court. And I’m ever so grateful that so many of my relationships have weathered this very long storm. I hope you all can hold out a little longer. My body and I, though still disparate, greatly appreciate it. I hope to be able to celebrate with a trip where I can horseback ride, and eventually, perhaps, skate the streets of NYC again.