My Attitude of Gratitude: Cultivated in 2010

I’m not the kind of woman who seeks mentors. I have found a rare few in my life, a professor who I worked for in college and graduate school, a colleague or two. But typically, I’m a fiercely independent person. That’s why, in reflecting on what I’m so grateful for this past year, I’m surprised to say that the first thing that pops into my head after health, is one Sissy Block. A wonderful friend, I am feeling particularly grateful to her because she made me a generous offer this year. She suggested we become “writing partners” - she is the person with whom I meet weekly or bi-monthly to sit beside as we write our respective creative projects. Both are books. Very different, very fictionalized, but both very personal. Having someone beside you while you pour your guts onto a page (or computer screen) is unbelievably validating. What sometimes felt self indulgent now feels powerful, significant, important, occasionally even urgent.

Our “writing dates,” as I call them, alternate neighborhoods for convenience and optimal wifi (though it’s not on the whole time we write! Focus is key). Most days we get over the loud study group or bad date nearby. In fact, if it’s a bad date I usually use it for material for the book I’m working on. Showing up for a writing date is like a planned coffee with a best friend. If you’ve ever had the type of friend who you could pick up with whether it had been one week or one year, that’s the feeling I get when I walk into a room to write with Sissy. She and I don’t need to catch up, the book and I do, and because Sissy’s there, I can pick up exactly where I left off.

When I’m sick, but we meet anyway, I find that I actually do my best writing. My most insecure thoughts, my most off-limit topics, suddenly become easier to deal with than my stomach ache … and I just write - no holds barred. Some really beautiful things come from those moments.

When we take a break from writing to catch up on our personal lives, after all, Sissy and I know each other from volunteering together and get along quite nicely on our own, Sissy reminds me to “write it” to “use it” because it’s here, it’s real. “It” has become better and better thanks to her encouragement. The gratitude we have for one another, for the forward momentum we create by being together in our creative efforts is palpable most days.

Sometimes we laugh out loud at our writing. We share exciting moments of character development. Her project is farther along than mine - and I know that she’ll come to me one day and say she doesn’t need to meet any more... but having her beside me as I’ve taken my first steps on this journey of writing my first novel makes me feel like I’ve taken strides where I would have taken baby steps, and for that I am forever grateful.

Sissy Block and I both have full time jobs working within Jewish academia. We are both active volunteers for Limmud NY. In fact, we met at Limmud NY. You never know where you will be when someone wonderful impacts your life. I’m just lucky we found one another!

My 30 before 30

Here’s the bottom line – I haven’t been blogging lately because I’ve been dedicated to writing a piece for publication. Ok, by piece I mean book, and between that, volunteering for four organizations (shoutouts to Limmud NY, Keren Or, Columbia Hillel Young Alumni Advisory Committee, and Kehilat Hadar), working full time, and maintaining some semblance of a social life I haven’t had time to toot my own over-achieving horn. Not because I haven’t had toot worthy experiences. I promise you, I’ve had them! I just haven’t had time to keep them on record.

So, I’m six months from thirty and inspired by my friend PrettyGreenGirl (Who now has a 30 while 30 list) to embrace the 30 before 30 … I’ve accomplished a lot lately, but I thought of some things I’ve never done, and here are mine:

1. Finish the first draft of my first book (Self imposed deadline: 30^th birthday)
2. Plan and take a trip to a continent I haven’t been to (Options: South America, Asia, or Africa) 1/26/11 Ok, many of my friends took me down memory lane and reminded me that Israel is in Asia, but I meant more proper, and I've been to Africa because, well, hello, Egypt is in Africa ... so I'm officially getting too old to remember where I was 11 years ago or I'm geographically challenged. Or, the fact I'm accomplishing this only by way of going to Israel in a few weeks means we'll have to compromise ... been to 'recently.' (which fits with #25)
   
3. See a natural wonder I haven’t yet seen
4. Photograph the perfect sunset
5. Find an extremely fulfilling opportunity to build community (see 4 organizations I volunteer for above … but I have a new one as of 11/10 too!)
6. Start writing down the etiquette lessons I preach to friends (Oh, and practice what I preach)
7. Make life more like the chocolate show
8. Find the perfect “at home” facial
9. Eat something that sparkles. 11/10/10 Work event included a dessert basket from Josh's place. Their mini rice crispy treats were not only delicious, but sparkled. That took no time at all!
   
10. Find the perfect pair of jeans
11. I have mad sewing skills – find time to use them on the bag of clothing that needs repair.
12. Ritualize dumpling night. 12/17/10 For the third "christmas" in a row, a meal where the dumplings are the star! I'll add more variations, but posted one recipe for spicy peanut chicken pot-stickers a while back. They are divine. This is a chanukah/december/christmas holiday tradition that will last forever.
    
13. Find a way to keep better track of the remote control
14. New Mantra: Farmers’ markets are great – other markets are supplements. No over-stuffing the fridge. Just because it looks good in the store doesn’t mean I have the time to cook it.
15. Try Bikram Yoga
16. ‘Discover’ a waterfall and spend the day picnicking and lounging beside it.
17. Have tea time at the Plaza (in general find an excuse to return to the oak room. What a good meal)
18. Walk the Brooklyn bridge (despite the cliché)
19. Have dinner at the four seasons –because my mother is still talking about her dinner there 35 years later.
20. Make a necklace with the beads collected from trips to DC’s store, Bedazzled.
21. Find NYC’s version of Teaism. Frequent it. Often.
22. Try five new foods!
23. Gamble more than $20 (preferably in AC or LV … go for it!)
24. Broadway : See Wicked on Broadway B. Decide to go to a show last minute (La Cage aux Folles, Life in the Theater)
25. Register for a class at Columbia University (ok, so it won’t be the first time, but it’ll be the first time in +5 years)
26. Check out “first Saturdays” at the Brooklyn Museum
    
27. Ice skate in Bryant park (I had hot chocolate there once, but had hurt my ankle and couldn't skate) 1/1/11 - My friend Andy has his own skates in the city and heads there at every chance he gets, so late at night after 'recovery brunch' and recovery nap we headed down there and he kept me distracted while we waited on the very long line... once I got on the ice I remembered how much I loved skating growing up... ahh, Parkwood... I just want to head out to my parent's place and pick up my skates and never get off the ice...
    
28. See a performance at Joe’s Pub
29. Stroll through the gardens at Wave Hill
30. Walk across the park for free Saturday at the Jewish Museum

Apocolyptic News ..

Whether or not you've been bitten by the Twitter bug, my take on this media tool is mixed. Lately, more than anything else, this steam serves to remind me why I wasn't watching the TV news in the first place. I joined this particular variant strain of social and educational media for the great discounts it gave me access to. Once registered, I found even more bits of value in it. Thanks to twitter I know what's going on in the world without skimming news websites for headlines. If it's important, a news agency will send it right to me, without clogging my inbox, then I can decide to read further or not. I need to keep current on a lot of newsworthy topics for work, so what a convenient way to do so.

Besides, how dreadful could the news get if it's condensed to 140 characters?

Pretty damn dreadful.

Since the start of 2010, I've learned about natural disasters hitting the globe: earthquakes, avalanches, a terrible heatwave, a tsunami. Just today in Haiti an earthquake that has warranted another tsunami warning. Beyond the planet doing as it does, it is always painful to see reports of people inflicting pain on one another. 2010 has already brought it hard. In the form of bombs (hitting military bases, tourist sites, transit, religious institutions, and private homes), shootings, road rage, theft, sexual abuse and kidnapping. I've read about war and the threat of it, and the death of soldiers that inherently comes with military incursions and just having bases in other countries. The word "terror" or "terrorist" keeps reappearing in the feed. Hostage situations. Huge layoffs, the remnants of a country's floundering economic infrastructure. That's a lot of demolition for one optimist to handle.

Plus there are the unexplained. A 30 year old dying of 'natural' causes. Government's inability to consider gay marriage equal to heterosexual marriage. The news items that hurt my heart.

Don't get me wrong, there are the human interest headlines too, and I subscribe to zagat and others that sprinkle happiness into this stream of dismal. Or I'll come across a piece that is community service or social justice oriented, or highlights eco-friendly practices. It makes me remember that something is right with this world. Somewhere things are in place.

Despite the occasional story of valor, heroism or worth, I can't just let go of the concern raised by the countless disasters that I learn of. At best, I am drawn toward prayer - for peace, for serenity, for an understanding that will help me return to that sense of gratitude I have every night I go to bed, and every day I wake up.

This spring I will have the opportunity to get to know a few journalists closely. I wonder what I should ask them about what it means for them to be in the trenches with the kinds of events that make me realize the world is a little bit crazy. I also can't help but question what is the value of much of this news? In what ways does knowing about all this dread; crimes, dysfunction, terror help me live a better life?

I can't help but wonder. And exhale. And realize that in order to accomplish it all, I may not need to know it all.

Writing for Life

I started a chapter of a book a while back, that I've been sitting with and nurturing, editing and refining. I feel a little like a kid with an open wound. Eww. I'll leave that image alone.

I've been working on outlining books and snippets and short stories for quite a while but this one is so personal it changes my mood with each read. I have no idea if it will affect others similarly. I'm thinking I should workshop it somewhere ... which leads me to wonder where I'll find the time in the new year.

So I'm assessing priorities and finding solutions. Space management, doing a better job of organizing my new apartment is an important mission for this month. So far it's going pretty smoothly, but it seems so mundane compared to creative time. I keep peeking over at my guitar and thinking it'd be more fun to pick that up than continue switching out summer clothes for sweaters.

Wondering who else has streamlined their lives lately and what recommendations you might have for neating up around the edges?

Flying High

I don't know if this is a common sentiment, but I am most grateful for the things I don't understand... like flying safely - or really, flying at all.

I love to travel. Which you'd expect from someone who prides themselves on seeing, doing, tasting and experiencing all that life has to offer. I think it's pretty hunky dory that in Judaism, there's a prayer for distance travel (no matter the means - the point is if you're going from the 'gates' of one city to another) and even more than all of that, I love that I'm privileged enough to be able to carry this prayer with me as part of my travel. It's called the prayer of (being on) the path. Tefilat Haderech. It thanks God for protecting and keeping us, and our wares safe.

In particular, I realized how important this prayer was when I recently flew to Ottawa, Canada for the wedding of two close friends (another story of blessings, which I will share soon). I packed items for the wedding celebration that included "poppers." You know, those new year's items that spew confetti. They're marked flammable and probably contain a small amount of some explosive or other...

Why it didn't occur to me this might not be good a good item to transport in my luggage until mid-flight is beyond me, but luckily my over-active imagination is all that got charged in transit. My wares, along with me, arrived safely and just in time for a wonderful, unforgettable wedding weekend.

So, knowing that I made it through customs and security just fine, my moment of zen is pictured above. I was flying in a small plane and sat in seat 12 a which overlooked the propellers and the landing gear. I didn't know I was holding my breath in our descent until I saw the landing gear come down.

I guess we don't always realize what takes our breath away or what keeps it away until it comes back. In yoga and reiki there is a lot of talk of acknowledging where we are holding. Of the importance breath. Of awareness. It has been a few months since I thought about all three of those things in one idea, but certainly seeing the sun in alignment with the plane wheel as we pulled into the (Toronto - stop over) airport helped bring me that clarity.

I will share more about Ottawa in an upcoming post, the great accommodations and more importantly the two weddings which kicked off November. Just wanted to share my moment of gratitude and the gorgeous shot I captured as we went from being in flight to being grounded, air to earth, safely, soundly and in one piece.

Best Question of the Week: "How is your Heart?"

If a doctor had asked the question, I would be in a gown, spouting my symptoms from rise to sleep. But I'm 28. I go to the doctor for unexplained symptoms, stomach problems, and most recently, an ear infection. We haven't discussed my heart beyond Cheerios. That is, how to keep my cholesterol in check in order to keep me heart-healthy.

Instead, the question came from a Rabbi. Well, a mentor, confidant, and friend, who is a Rabbi, teacher and a spiritual guide. He asked, "How is your heart?" and the completely honest answer is "... still not quite ready." The answer I wanted to give, the place I want to be is someplace still far off. Though not as far as when he and I sat down just over a year ago for coffee. I'm closer to that answer I want to give - "My heart is open and available, it is ready, it is healed, it is waiting ..." So the answer I gave continued, and I'd like partial credit for it. "I'm working on it... I'm learning ... I'm still having difficulty opening it to the right person..." many disjointed thoughts. Much reason for pause.

Since the season for renewal hit (some people call it fall, I call it the high holidays), I can tell you that I have been hyper-aware of my heart. I know it is still so tightly wrapped, protected. I keep trying to open up, and I know I do it only slightly, and rarely. Usually to "safe" people. That's been going on nearly eight years this December. People who can't possibly stay in my life long, or people who have been here forever. I can't manage the in between.

If I imagine my heart - right now - it is as a diver. Certainly not Olympic grade - probably not even competitive. A leisurely diver, toes over the board wavering about whether to take the plunge. I think a year ago, when I met with this friend my heart and I were on a high board - hardly able to see the pool below. Now, I can smell it, see it - I'm resting on this regular diving board - but I don't know what the temperature will be and I know I'm scared to just dive in. I want it to be graceful, I want it to garner applause. This is when I hate the perfectionist in me. I can be an amateur in love. Isn't everyone at first? I have to remind myself, I'm the only one watching and I need to get past the fear to recognize the fun. It's really going to be worthwhile. And if I fail somehow, I can get back out and dive again.

But diving isn't a sport I know. I'm not confident here - and I am typically a fountain of confidence. I've gotten back on a horse who has thrown me into a fence. I am stubborn and strong just like the animal who spooked and reared and couldn't wait to be rid of me. If I can have faith that the horse will be there for me, why can I not have the same trust in man? The universe has a way of working things out. Trust it. Sit with it.

I'm ready to dive. I'm ready to ride. I'm ready to see what all this hype is about.

Now, if only my words could be as effective as action.

Ooooooooobama? Puzzling Prizes

Talk about the "American Dream!" Here's one that's international - The Nobel Prize. I'd like mine in literature one day. I've written some outlines and drafts, so can I pre-order it now so that it's ready when I make it big? Seriously, I know some literary figures who actually campaigned for it. That taints it a bit. One of them even won.

Nevertheless, I was celebrating the Nobel Prizes that were announced earlier in the week because whenever a woman earns one, I rejoice. I really do love female role models, especially when they're in a field I wouldn't dream of entering.

Hence, Israeli woman Ada Yonath made me dance for joy in my office - she rocked the ribosome in her chemistry research and made major waves. She's 70. She split the prize with two men who did similar research. They are also similar in age. It seems to me, this has been their life's work, celebrated for it's contribution to society, particularly medicine - as it relates to how antibiotics work in our bodies.

Brilliant. I can even understand the work that she did. In science. That's a big deal for my liberal arts brain.

Building diplomacy. That's a liberal arts topic if I've ever heard one. It's subjective and involves historical analysis. It happens over high tea, around a bonfire (no not really, I just like the image - and Hawaii is home of the luau) it does not happen in eight months of presidency. That's right folks. President Barak Obama was sworn in in January. I know we like him a lot, I know there's a lot of potential, but in what way has he changed the world for the better? What peace are we experiencing with troops in Iraq, in Afghanistan and elsewhere?

A friend posted that he couldn't imagine something that would turn his "liberal-loving friends" against Obama would be this ... but I think the rationale escapes us, and the evidence is shoddy at best. Yes, kind of like that birth certificate...

Maybe someone just wanted to give him the prize money - and this category was the best way to do it?

Sorry for my cynicism, if anyone would like to enlighten me, I'm all ears. Also, I'm not anti-American for questioning this. I may be anti the Nobel committee though. I feel some shivers coming from graves.