Finding Perfection: Sukkah hopping around NY

Sukkot, which occurs each fall, is a week when traditionally, Jews eat (and live!) in the out of doors. In Israel the air is crisp and the fruit harvest is coming to an end. In New York, it’s cold, usually rainy and the wind nips at you. Luckily we have space heaters and layers and warm soup.

This “nature” experience is tempered, of course, by the lovely huts (called sukkot) we build to recall ananei cavod, the clouds of Glory, which were a sign that God was following us in the desert during the Exodus from Egypt. In the past I have spent my sukkot in two or three different structures and usually enjoy them, a bit.

This year, I had meals in 7 different sukkot, each of them unique. I was hoping to come up with a rating system, but each one felt so special that only the few words of Torah given Saturday morning suffice. A rabbi asks, “How many walls are mandatory in a sukkah?” the answer is “two and some” or two and “ehh” as I shouted out. “Why?” the Rabbi asks. Dead Silence. “Because when you put your arm around someone to hug them, your arm makes an angle and you’ve got two and an ‘eh’ angles. God hugs us when we are inside the sukkah.

Thanks God. I thought I liked being in your glory, but I’m sure I like being in your arms. I tend to find personifying God distasteful, but if You want me to build a structure to symbolize a hug, then I’m happy to sit inside of it and feel loved. If I were waxing poetic I might even call the image beautiful. While some buildings had just the required walls and others had four, mostly it was the company in them that made me feel full on embraced.

Anyway, I resort to the questions children ask on Passover –How is this year different from all others? I usually say almost all my blessings in a synagogue sukkah. Not this year. Though having one meal in the smaller of two sukkot at a local synagogue found us the only guests there – which made the one synagogue sukkah experience I had seem just like it was in my own backyard! But of course, my parents’ backyard is already filled with a sukkah, and I spent Monday night out at their house and in their hut with them. Mom made chicken soup per my request with WHOLE WHEAT matzoh balls and some of the best roasted chicken I’ve encountered. It was a joy to see my parents and to join them in their sukkah – to bench lulav with my dad and take the etrog from my great grandparents etrog box. The etrog is too big now. We get better produce than 80 years ago it seems… even in the business of the etrog! My parents and I took some time for Torah too. Rambam and the beleaguered, orphans and widows and that even when times are tough, we are fortunate to have a home to go to and a hut to eat in! Also cute, the following night when my parents had a synagogue board meeting, they loaned it out to our neighbors. So friendly!

Friends (new and old): Two UWSers hosted holiday meals in their personal sukkot … despite impending rain on both meals, they were LOVELY. One had a fish pond right beside the sukkah. Talk about a glorious connection to nature! The other I returned to during the week for s’mores in the sukkah. A firepit right outside of the sukkah kept us all happy and warm… and the beer and marshmallows did a good job too! Those were moving moments. There is something especially tremendous sitting amongst so many friends in a family feeling, small intimate sukkah built by hand.

So, given that I get so excited about these more intimate experiences, what should have been the farthest from my personal sukkah, one at the Jewish Theological Seminary, is actually the nearest to my heart. Not only because I am an alumna and it was a home to many college meals, but also because of the little plaque very few people probably notice. The sukkah is endowed by my darling ‘family’ Frances and Buddy Brandt. Their granddaughter is like a sister to me (having been my roommate for three years) and the sukkah is in the memory of her brother Oren. This was my most recent sukkah experience and to participate in something l’zecher Oren (in the memory of Oren) added so much more meaning to what has become a pretty common experience. I say these blessings in Oren's memory because he liked to build so much everyone thought he'd become an architect. Also, Oren definitely had the type of relationship with God where they were in a strong embrace. Always. So I sat last night hugging Oren’s memory, and also hugging his sister and his grandparents. I hope we were being hugged by God as well. Because in those moments is where God should be. And I returned today to bless some more. The beauty of a sukkah is often times in the people you share it with. Tonight I’m off to a celebration of volunteers for Limmud NY. And then, outside of the sukkah I will go celebrate another wonderful soul who is headed to Thailand to work on human rights and change the world for the better.

I live a blessed life… and this holiday season has reminded me of that tenfold.

FUNdraisers & Events of Worth

One of the amazing things about living in New York City (or near any big city) is that there is never a dearth of things to do. That said, if you can be in Manhattan - Thursday, AUGUST 6, 2009 - SAVE THE DATE! (In fact go ahead and register now - ticket prices will go up)! I'm on the host committee and would love to see you at
THE TRIBECA SOCK HOP: TWIST & SHOUT FOR CHARITY!!!
8-Midnight
4 Hour Open Bar
Live performance by The Transformers-- 12 indie rock kids playing the sounds of Motown. This is a fundraiser, so the $40 ticket is going straight to children who need it through Chabad Children of Chernobyl. This great organization, which assists Chernobyl and the surrounding region in many ways, focuses on airlifting kids out of an area still devastated by this tragedy. It combines so many of my passions into the mission of one organization. Learn more about it on their website, watch the video on the ticket link or ask me. I could praise their fine work for hours on end. To buy tickets, in case you haven't caught the above links purchase them at http://ccoc.net/fundraising/s/29. And THANKS for your support - it will really be a fun night. Also, I know I'm corny. But the 50s were all about that kind of cheese - this event will definitely put the FUN in fundraiser.

Ok, now that I'm done with my hostess committee obligations (for this post at least) I will consider the matter at hand.

Our "to do lists" are a mile long. The errands, work obligations, health and wellness all take up time. Yet, when Monday hits I realize that my personal list has been replaced with a list of social obligations and opportunities. I have had something on my calendar every night of the week since the week before summer officially kicked off. This level of over commitment is brought to you by a woman who thinks that she has actually learned to say no! Yes, I can choose downtime, but what could be more fun than trying to be three places at once on a Thursday night in Manhattan? Perhaps this is where my California upbringing is particularly useful - to balance the drive to go and do with a laid back approach. (Note: Here's where I get paranoid I sound like a flake. I may get defensive about that in some other post, but here I'll just assure you that I handle my obligations and commitments with etiquette - or simply put, I'm not.)

Most of what drives me to saying yes is a personality thing. I am a people person, and if you are one of the people I care about, I will find the energy and make the time for you. Especially if you ask me to. Directly. In a phone call. Or an email. Or a voice mail. Or any other form of direct inquiry you can fathom.

I CAN SAY "NO" Or at least, I want to believe I can. I buy into the whole "put yourself first" thing. But when spending time with my friends makes me happier than working out, I'm going to choose my friends. Then I'll walk the 30 blocks home instead of getting on the bus. (Not overstating my case there, I've done that walk 4 times in the last 8 days.) So, what tips and tricks have you picked up recently that help you say no? How do you set limits and boundaries? Or is it even necessary? Whatever I think I know about the topic clearly hasn't quite penetrated yet. I know this mostly because ... YOU ASK, I ANSWER (YES!) Sometimes the "downtime" plan fails miserably. For example, I planned a Friday night of nothing to do. Intentionally. I was having over friends for lunch Saturday. I wanted to cook, clean and cram in as much sleep as possible. But when I ran into a friend who asked me to come out to lend an ear over a potluck picnic in the park, I didn't say no. How could I resist a request like that? So my night of planned serenity was replaced with rewarding, heartwarming connections. Including the opportunity to enjoy a beautiful pink sunset over Riverside park. Am I placing a value on community building and interconnectedness? By putting people first, perhaps I am. I don't always think this hard about the decisions I make, but when it feels this right, I should probably stop second guessing myself and just go with it.

I don't know if you find this type of behavior is more true for your single friends than those in a relationship, or if it's just a personality thing. I think it's more the latter, though the fact that I am single definitely influences my desire to go out and mingle. Also, I pay tooth and nail to live in this city, and I better enjoy it while I'm here. So baseball games, central park, concert tickets and picnics overlooking the Hudson. Toss in some spontaneity and you could find me at a pool party, open bar, dance-a-thon, or just looking across the table at a great friend enjoying this fine city as it's meant to be - while living life to the fullest.

Do I have a plan when I make my plans? I'd like most of what I do outside of the office to be filled with friends fun and meaning, but I don't have some advanced self-soothing system. I like to make sure I do something educational and cultural amidst all the fun, which is especially appealing if it's $5 or less or just plain free.

A few of my secrets to finding great (cheap, cheap, really cheap, even free) ways to fill a night: Pick up a local paper -NYC suggestions: AM New York, Metro, Village Voice
NYC Websites: calendars, city tourist sites are helpful, like NYCgo (street fairs galore!)
Multi-city deals: Going.com & Daily candy
If you want to do it, it's out there. There are all sorts of free event lists from jazz and swing dancing in Lincoln center to wine tastings to comedy, and whether you have one friend or many who are great to hang with, you might as well find ways to do it on the cheap. I also do look for fundraisers when I have some cash in the budget to spend on these events. Some tie in wine tasting or networking with their events, so that they're multipurpose and meaningful. Like the Sock Hop. In case you didn't already buy your ticket. What are your suggestions for inexpensive ways to keep the calendar full?

Chelsea Market is a favorite spot for the foodie in me, and you can walk out having enjoyed free samples of chocolate, cheese, wine, and baked goods without spending a dime. Also, with everything they've packed in there, I can usually knock off some of the errands on my "to do" list. Entertainment wise, you've hit the jackpot here. There's often live music performances and comedy or food network events. Despite the freebies, I always end up purchasing a thing or two. My true weakness is a restaurant called Green Table. It's sustainable, organic and delicious. Oh, and it serves some great mixed drinks. What more could a girl ask for? (Except for that cookie monster cupcake for dessert!?)

An Invitation: The American Dream

We all want to find success - in pursuit of our passion, or in establishing financial freedom. We want to be high achievers in work, love, family, and education. Social media works so well because we all have egos. We want to shout our accomplishments from the rooftops. If that's the case, then yes, call this my rooftop. After all, I live in a city with limited roof access.

The "American dream," of social mobility has evolved and intertwined with our demand for instant gratification, and now it seems Americans (and we are not alone in this, of course) are enticed by a life of excess. Call it what you will, but it's more than consumerism, it's a culture of emulating the wrong culture makers. A drive to live like a star. Is the "American Dream" what drove this nation into debt? Has it become a little bit soulless? Perhaps. It may be time for a new American dream.

There's that environmental dream on the horizon. I heard it first in whispers when smog covered LA in the 80s. To some extent, I consider myself an environmentalist. But I don't want to forgo society for one cause. This isn't about a cause, it's about lifestyle choices. To that end, I've heard great speeches which leave me questioning if the massive portion of my paycheck spent on rent couldn't better be distributed to the hungry, the needy, the impoverished, ill and elderly in this community or elsewhere. But I worked for this paycheck, I earned it. Don't I deserve to enjoy the (organic) fruits of my labor? Or is that just an icky outcropping of entitlement?

In all of my professional pursuits, I work with and for organizations and institutions that change the world, whether it's by supporting families, educating our youth, researching environmental trends and solutions to poverty. There is no denying that I have chosen a profession which is part of the greater picture, and I am proud of what I do. I will always question what personal decisions I make... I just may not do it at the moment I'm trying on those glorious shoes at DSW.


Is it selfish of me to want the red heels or cashmere sweater? Is it worse for me to skimp and buy an item from a company that probably employed underage and overworked children? What can I do to assuage this guilty conscience?

I am going to dedicate myself to accomplishing my own American dream. The one that includes a bevy of activities that make me happy. Those that I can both enjoy and create: food, art, social opportunities, Jewish learning & teaching, writing, yoga and those which I can pursue: friendship, love, perfect nights, new experiences, eco-consciousness, happiness, health, and that ever elusive sense of balance.

So I invite you to share in my experiences, accomplishments and challenges. It's bound to be an exciting trip.