Bring on the Warmth

I’m grateful for warmth!

This past Sunday night, I decided to hike over the 4 avenues to a friend’s apartment sometime after 9pm. The offer was extended with love, but I very hesitantly agreed to the walk, because it was quite cold and quiet around the NYC neighborhood in which I live. Layering up, I grabbed my red sweatshirt off the top of my hamper. First of all, it’s from the clothing swap we did in the fall. In ‘getting’ this great sweatshirt, I ‘gave up’ shoes and clothing galore, the majority of which went to a great local charity called Housing Works. Second of all, I’d put it there not because it was dirty, as much as because I didn’t want to hang it up. So it was a pleasant surprise when this red hoodie was wonderfully warm, thanks to the radiator it had been resting near. And, on my cross town trek, I thought about the other things that had made me warm throughout the day: Brunch with Aimee at the Mud Stop where the mint tea and mimosas included for my $13 fistful were deliciously warming. As was the conversation, and the welcome face she had when I lost my sense of direction and showed up 20 minutes late!
Then, I reflected on volunteer day for Limmud NY as all the final details come together for a conference I’ve been working on for countless hours. Full of wonderfully talented, enthusiastic, and dedicated people, many of them first time volunteers, and witnessing everything being put in order - magnificent! (Though, for talent's sake, you can see mine isn't in art - my Check in sign was mediocre at best!)
Back in reality, I’d already made it two avenues, and was still pretty warm. Ok, I’m a California girl. Maybe I was losing a bit of feeling in my extremities, but bearable. I realized it was likely a result of “warm soup belly” which I enjoyed at my favorite Union Square haunt along with more wonderful conversation with a friend who had also attended volunteer day. Finally, it occurred to me, I couldn’t believe I was even thinking about being cold, when we’d run across so many “pantsless” subway riders that evening in union square. The smile across my face returns now, and just erupted then, thinking about “those crazy kids” and folks who act like kids ... who participated in the near-naked public displays thanks ImprovEverywhere - you’ve got gumption, which is especially impressive on such a freezing day. Of course there was also getting a chance to finally check my weekend mail when I got home. (Hey, I've been off accomplishing it all, I've been quite busy!) In my mailbox, I found the most extraordinary thank you card from a most extraordinary friend. I'm coming to believe that one person's gratitude only helps cultivate gratitude in others. Appreciation is never underrated.

When I arrived at my destination, and we caught up about the last few weeks, work, writing, volunteering, planning details of my upcoming vacation, it occurred to me how lucky I am that it just takes a few steps from my apartment to an amazingly wonderful city filled with good friends, good food, and so many fun opportunities. I have cultivated a family of friends who remind me quite often what I have to be grateful for. But mostly, on that walk home, it was the red sweatshirt.

FUNdraisers & Events of Worth

One of the amazing things about living in New York City (or near any big city) is that there is never a dearth of things to do. That said, if you can be in Manhattan - Thursday, AUGUST 6, 2009 - SAVE THE DATE! (In fact go ahead and register now - ticket prices will go up)! I'm on the host committee and would love to see you at
THE TRIBECA SOCK HOP: TWIST & SHOUT FOR CHARITY!!!
8-Midnight
4 Hour Open Bar
Live performance by The Transformers-- 12 indie rock kids playing the sounds of Motown. This is a fundraiser, so the $40 ticket is going straight to children who need it through Chabad Children of Chernobyl. This great organization, which assists Chernobyl and the surrounding region in many ways, focuses on airlifting kids out of an area still devastated by this tragedy. It combines so many of my passions into the mission of one organization. Learn more about it on their website, watch the video on the ticket link or ask me. I could praise their fine work for hours on end. To buy tickets, in case you haven't caught the above links purchase them at http://ccoc.net/fundraising/s/29. And THANKS for your support - it will really be a fun night. Also, I know I'm corny. But the 50s were all about that kind of cheese - this event will definitely put the FUN in fundraiser.

Ok, now that I'm done with my hostess committee obligations (for this post at least) I will consider the matter at hand.

Our "to do lists" are a mile long. The errands, work obligations, health and wellness all take up time. Yet, when Monday hits I realize that my personal list has been replaced with a list of social obligations and opportunities. I have had something on my calendar every night of the week since the week before summer officially kicked off. This level of over commitment is brought to you by a woman who thinks that she has actually learned to say no! Yes, I can choose downtime, but what could be more fun than trying to be three places at once on a Thursday night in Manhattan? Perhaps this is where my California upbringing is particularly useful - to balance the drive to go and do with a laid back approach. (Note: Here's where I get paranoid I sound like a flake. I may get defensive about that in some other post, but here I'll just assure you that I handle my obligations and commitments with etiquette - or simply put, I'm not.)

Most of what drives me to saying yes is a personality thing. I am a people person, and if you are one of the people I care about, I will find the energy and make the time for you. Especially if you ask me to. Directly. In a phone call. Or an email. Or a voice mail. Or any other form of direct inquiry you can fathom.

I CAN SAY "NO" Or at least, I want to believe I can. I buy into the whole "put yourself first" thing. But when spending time with my friends makes me happier than working out, I'm going to choose my friends. Then I'll walk the 30 blocks home instead of getting on the bus. (Not overstating my case there, I've done that walk 4 times in the last 8 days.) So, what tips and tricks have you picked up recently that help you say no? How do you set limits and boundaries? Or is it even necessary? Whatever I think I know about the topic clearly hasn't quite penetrated yet. I know this mostly because ... YOU ASK, I ANSWER (YES!) Sometimes the "downtime" plan fails miserably. For example, I planned a Friday night of nothing to do. Intentionally. I was having over friends for lunch Saturday. I wanted to cook, clean and cram in as much sleep as possible. But when I ran into a friend who asked me to come out to lend an ear over a potluck picnic in the park, I didn't say no. How could I resist a request like that? So my night of planned serenity was replaced with rewarding, heartwarming connections. Including the opportunity to enjoy a beautiful pink sunset over Riverside park. Am I placing a value on community building and interconnectedness? By putting people first, perhaps I am. I don't always think this hard about the decisions I make, but when it feels this right, I should probably stop second guessing myself and just go with it.

I don't know if you find this type of behavior is more true for your single friends than those in a relationship, or if it's just a personality thing. I think it's more the latter, though the fact that I am single definitely influences my desire to go out and mingle. Also, I pay tooth and nail to live in this city, and I better enjoy it while I'm here. So baseball games, central park, concert tickets and picnics overlooking the Hudson. Toss in some spontaneity and you could find me at a pool party, open bar, dance-a-thon, or just looking across the table at a great friend enjoying this fine city as it's meant to be - while living life to the fullest.

Do I have a plan when I make my plans? I'd like most of what I do outside of the office to be filled with friends fun and meaning, but I don't have some advanced self-soothing system. I like to make sure I do something educational and cultural amidst all the fun, which is especially appealing if it's $5 or less or just plain free.

A few of my secrets to finding great (cheap, cheap, really cheap, even free) ways to fill a night: Pick up a local paper -NYC suggestions: AM New York, Metro, Village Voice
NYC Websites: calendars, city tourist sites are helpful, like NYCgo (street fairs galore!)
Multi-city deals: Going.com & Daily candy
If you want to do it, it's out there. There are all sorts of free event lists from jazz and swing dancing in Lincoln center to wine tastings to comedy, and whether you have one friend or many who are great to hang with, you might as well find ways to do it on the cheap. I also do look for fundraisers when I have some cash in the budget to spend on these events. Some tie in wine tasting or networking with their events, so that they're multipurpose and meaningful. Like the Sock Hop. In case you didn't already buy your ticket. What are your suggestions for inexpensive ways to keep the calendar full?

Chelsea Market is a favorite spot for the foodie in me, and you can walk out having enjoyed free samples of chocolate, cheese, wine, and baked goods without spending a dime. Also, with everything they've packed in there, I can usually knock off some of the errands on my "to do" list. Entertainment wise, you've hit the jackpot here. There's often live music performances and comedy or food network events. Despite the freebies, I always end up purchasing a thing or two. My true weakness is a restaurant called Green Table. It's sustainable, organic and delicious. Oh, and it serves some great mixed drinks. What more could a girl ask for? (Except for that cookie monster cupcake for dessert!?)