Best Question of the Week: "How is your Heart?"

If a doctor had asked the question, I would be in a gown, spouting my symptoms from rise to sleep. But I'm 28. I go to the doctor for unexplained symptoms, stomach problems, and most recently, an ear infection. We haven't discussed my heart beyond Cheerios. That is, how to keep my cholesterol in check in order to keep me heart-healthy.

Instead, the question came from a Rabbi. Well, a mentor, confidant, and friend, who is a Rabbi, teacher and a spiritual guide. He asked, "How is your heart?" and the completely honest answer is "... still not quite ready." The answer I wanted to give, the place I want to be is someplace still far off. Though not as far as when he and I sat down just over a year ago for coffee. I'm closer to that answer I want to give - "My heart is open and available, it is ready, it is healed, it is waiting ..." So the answer I gave continued, and I'd like partial credit for it. "I'm working on it... I'm learning ... I'm still having difficulty opening it to the right person..." many disjointed thoughts. Much reason for pause.

Since the season for renewal hit (some people call it fall, I call it the high holidays), I can tell you that I have been hyper-aware of my heart. I know it is still so tightly wrapped, protected. I keep trying to open up, and I know I do it only slightly, and rarely. Usually to "safe" people. That's been going on nearly eight years this December. People who can't possibly stay in my life long, or people who have been here forever. I can't manage the in between.

If I imagine my heart - right now - it is as a diver. Certainly not Olympic grade - probably not even competitive. A leisurely diver, toes over the board wavering about whether to take the plunge. I think a year ago, when I met with this friend my heart and I were on a high board - hardly able to see the pool below. Now, I can smell it, see it - I'm resting on this regular diving board - but I don't know what the temperature will be and I know I'm scared to just dive in. I want it to be graceful, I want it to garner applause. This is when I hate the perfectionist in me. I can be an amateur in love. Isn't everyone at first? I have to remind myself, I'm the only one watching and I need to get past the fear to recognize the fun. It's really going to be worthwhile. And if I fail somehow, I can get back out and dive again.

But diving isn't a sport I know. I'm not confident here - and I am typically a fountain of confidence. I've gotten back on a horse who has thrown me into a fence. I am stubborn and strong just like the animal who spooked and reared and couldn't wait to be rid of me. If I can have faith that the horse will be there for me, why can I not have the same trust in man? The universe has a way of working things out. Trust it. Sit with it.

I'm ready to dive. I'm ready to ride. I'm ready to see what all this hype is about.

Now, if only my words could be as effective as action.

FUNdraisers & Events of Worth

One of the amazing things about living in New York City (or near any big city) is that there is never a dearth of things to do. That said, if you can be in Manhattan - Thursday, AUGUST 6, 2009 - SAVE THE DATE! (In fact go ahead and register now - ticket prices will go up)! I'm on the host committee and would love to see you at
THE TRIBECA SOCK HOP: TWIST & SHOUT FOR CHARITY!!!
8-Midnight
4 Hour Open Bar
Live performance by The Transformers-- 12 indie rock kids playing the sounds of Motown. This is a fundraiser, so the $40 ticket is going straight to children who need it through Chabad Children of Chernobyl. This great organization, which assists Chernobyl and the surrounding region in many ways, focuses on airlifting kids out of an area still devastated by this tragedy. It combines so many of my passions into the mission of one organization. Learn more about it on their website, watch the video on the ticket link or ask me. I could praise their fine work for hours on end. To buy tickets, in case you haven't caught the above links purchase them at http://ccoc.net/fundraising/s/29. And THANKS for your support - it will really be a fun night. Also, I know I'm corny. But the 50s were all about that kind of cheese - this event will definitely put the FUN in fundraiser.

Ok, now that I'm done with my hostess committee obligations (for this post at least) I will consider the matter at hand.

Our "to do lists" are a mile long. The errands, work obligations, health and wellness all take up time. Yet, when Monday hits I realize that my personal list has been replaced with a list of social obligations and opportunities. I have had something on my calendar every night of the week since the week before summer officially kicked off. This level of over commitment is brought to you by a woman who thinks that she has actually learned to say no! Yes, I can choose downtime, but what could be more fun than trying to be three places at once on a Thursday night in Manhattan? Perhaps this is where my California upbringing is particularly useful - to balance the drive to go and do with a laid back approach. (Note: Here's where I get paranoid I sound like a flake. I may get defensive about that in some other post, but here I'll just assure you that I handle my obligations and commitments with etiquette - or simply put, I'm not.)

Most of what drives me to saying yes is a personality thing. I am a people person, and if you are one of the people I care about, I will find the energy and make the time for you. Especially if you ask me to. Directly. In a phone call. Or an email. Or a voice mail. Or any other form of direct inquiry you can fathom.

I CAN SAY "NO" Or at least, I want to believe I can. I buy into the whole "put yourself first" thing. But when spending time with my friends makes me happier than working out, I'm going to choose my friends. Then I'll walk the 30 blocks home instead of getting on the bus. (Not overstating my case there, I've done that walk 4 times in the last 8 days.) So, what tips and tricks have you picked up recently that help you say no? How do you set limits and boundaries? Or is it even necessary? Whatever I think I know about the topic clearly hasn't quite penetrated yet. I know this mostly because ... YOU ASK, I ANSWER (YES!) Sometimes the "downtime" plan fails miserably. For example, I planned a Friday night of nothing to do. Intentionally. I was having over friends for lunch Saturday. I wanted to cook, clean and cram in as much sleep as possible. But when I ran into a friend who asked me to come out to lend an ear over a potluck picnic in the park, I didn't say no. How could I resist a request like that? So my night of planned serenity was replaced with rewarding, heartwarming connections. Including the opportunity to enjoy a beautiful pink sunset over Riverside park. Am I placing a value on community building and interconnectedness? By putting people first, perhaps I am. I don't always think this hard about the decisions I make, but when it feels this right, I should probably stop second guessing myself and just go with it.

I don't know if you find this type of behavior is more true for your single friends than those in a relationship, or if it's just a personality thing. I think it's more the latter, though the fact that I am single definitely influences my desire to go out and mingle. Also, I pay tooth and nail to live in this city, and I better enjoy it while I'm here. So baseball games, central park, concert tickets and picnics overlooking the Hudson. Toss in some spontaneity and you could find me at a pool party, open bar, dance-a-thon, or just looking across the table at a great friend enjoying this fine city as it's meant to be - while living life to the fullest.

Do I have a plan when I make my plans? I'd like most of what I do outside of the office to be filled with friends fun and meaning, but I don't have some advanced self-soothing system. I like to make sure I do something educational and cultural amidst all the fun, which is especially appealing if it's $5 or less or just plain free.

A few of my secrets to finding great (cheap, cheap, really cheap, even free) ways to fill a night: Pick up a local paper -NYC suggestions: AM New York, Metro, Village Voice
NYC Websites: calendars, city tourist sites are helpful, like NYCgo (street fairs galore!)
Multi-city deals: Going.com & Daily candy
If you want to do it, it's out there. There are all sorts of free event lists from jazz and swing dancing in Lincoln center to wine tastings to comedy, and whether you have one friend or many who are great to hang with, you might as well find ways to do it on the cheap. I also do look for fundraisers when I have some cash in the budget to spend on these events. Some tie in wine tasting or networking with their events, so that they're multipurpose and meaningful. Like the Sock Hop. In case you didn't already buy your ticket. What are your suggestions for inexpensive ways to keep the calendar full?

Chelsea Market is a favorite spot for the foodie in me, and you can walk out having enjoyed free samples of chocolate, cheese, wine, and baked goods without spending a dime. Also, with everything they've packed in there, I can usually knock off some of the errands on my "to do" list. Entertainment wise, you've hit the jackpot here. There's often live music performances and comedy or food network events. Despite the freebies, I always end up purchasing a thing or two. My true weakness is a restaurant called Green Table. It's sustainable, organic and delicious. Oh, and it serves some great mixed drinks. What more could a girl ask for? (Except for that cookie monster cupcake for dessert!?)