Embracing the Irrational

This is just one of many techniques I used in order to heal well and feel well after tearing my cartilage just eleven weeks ago.

Undo, not to, aka my "ignore" list

My ignore list is not about a Facebook feature ... although, today Facebook was on it.

My ignore list is the thing I create when I have a few urgent priorities... and don't want any distractions. Today, I had a short work day due to doctor's appointments and the like. I left my phone in my purse, I had a mini lunch of yogurt and low fat granola. Kept things short and sweet.

On my way to work I compiled what I wouldn't do today for the hours I was in my office: No errands on campus, no break for lunch, no facebook unless it's work related (usually, I take a FB break during lunch and, occasionally a really short one during my 3 o'clock slump/tea break etc). Sometimes I cut personal email too, today, I did.

It's a great way to focus and even relax a bit ... When I left the office, I had that momentary "where's my phone?" lapse, because I couldn't imagine leaving it in my bag for 6 hours.

When you're over committed, give yourself permission to disconnect from a number of things that distract you along the way. It will keep you organized, and especially if "to do" lists make you cringe for any reason, this is another approach to help you out!

Do you have organizational strategies that keep you focused on a tough day? Do you cringe at to-do lists? What's your organizational dilemma, at work or home?

What I'm Hiding

It's weird to get ready for the Jewish New Year, a time of soul searching, opening up, letting go, letting in, self-awareness, and reflection realizing that I've been doing myself a disservice in keeping a secret, which has, in turn, made me feel unfulfilled, frustrated and generally, resentful of those closest to me. At least, I hope that I can blame my lack of honesty and not the people.

Why have I been hesitant to disclose? For the most part, I think it's that I don't want to be a burden, because asking others to do things for me doesn't match my personality. I'm a 'do it yourself' kind of girl, independent and self-sufficient, and admitting that doing it myself is impossible is ... well... darn near impossible. So, more often than not, I have been putting on a happy face, and when I can't muster that, a blank expression. I've been ignoring my budget by taking advantage of soap.com and fresh direct. I had no clue that 3 blocks from my apartment was a drugstore clearing everything out for 50% off. And, I've been eating beans straight from the can.

Now, if you follow my food blog, you know that while I may consume chickpeas straight from a can, that wouldn't happen with anything else. Well, these were black beans. I've eaten cheese straight from a package, cereal dry, and I've stared at beautiful food on the brink in my fridge, and reached for yogurt instead ... in the last week I managed to make myself one meal, and, while delicious, I haven't touched a dirtied dish from that or the two weeks prior.

What I've been reticent to share over the past five weeks is that I've been in agonizing pain. Not just minor injury pain, which is, likely, how people perceive it. Laying down hurts. All the more so, standing hurts. A hot shower is the closest I've come to feeling good - but if that lasts longer than about 7 minutes, it's all fruitless and I'm back in pain. I have the tiniest of injuries causing all this pain, of course, just a little torn cartilage, and I've been sticking my knee brace under leggings and quietly using the chair next to me to keep it elevated.

And I've been hiding it by attempting to be social, where I can have alcohol in excess to disguise the pain, or by taking drugs that make me feel loopy and disconnected from what is going on around me. I've managed to get through my workdays, strained. Sitting up with my leg elevated for nearly 8 hours is completely exhausting ... but what I've most come to understand is that while I resent my body plenty for making me endure this - I really resent that amongst the community and the friends I boast as amongst my dearest and closest, I haven't gotten much of the support I need. All I can do is hope that it is my fault for not expressing my needs clearly. I want to believe this is true despite the fact that a number of friends have reached out, have delivered food, have come over for meals, have been tremendously, wonderfully accommodating. So I do wonder how much it's been me, and how much I must reevaluate my relationships to understand that not all of them are what I thought they were.

But then I realize, I am so profoundly grateful for the people who have been understanding, who have been supportive, who have offered me genuine well wishes, and I acknowledge that the resentment doesn't serve me. But when I'm crying on my 3 block walk home from the subway station, all I can think about is whether it's my own fault I'm not being fully supported through this.

In my heart I know that I will get through this, that I will return to my truest self with a smile, and, I hope, dancing and heels and yoga, too. What I'm unsure of is the relationships that don't emanate support now, especially the ones that don't offer as much as a "get well" sentiment, and whether I will be able or willing to foster those relationships in the future. It feels easy now to conflate the two types of pain, that of the physical and that of the soul, and I wonder whether it will wash away in this season of new beginnings, or serve to open my eyes and clear out wasted energies and fruitless friendships.

My 30 before 30

Here’s the bottom line – I haven’t been blogging lately because I’ve been dedicated to writing a piece for publication. Ok, by piece I mean book, and between that, volunteering for four organizations (shoutouts to Limmud NY, Keren Or, Columbia Hillel Young Alumni Advisory Committee, and Kehilat Hadar), working full time, and maintaining some semblance of a social life I haven’t had time to toot my own over-achieving horn. Not because I haven’t had toot worthy experiences. I promise you, I’ve had them! I just haven’t had time to keep them on record.

So, I’m six months from thirty and inspired by my friend PrettyGreenGirl (Who now has a 30 while 30 list) to embrace the 30 before 30 … I’ve accomplished a lot lately, but I thought of some things I’ve never done, and here are mine:

1. Finish the first draft of my first book (Self imposed deadline: 30^th birthday)
2. Plan and take a trip to a continent I haven’t been to (Options: South America, Asia, or Africa) 1/26/11 Ok, many of my friends took me down memory lane and reminded me that Israel is in Asia, but I meant more proper, and I've been to Africa because, well, hello, Egypt is in Africa ... so I'm officially getting too old to remember where I was 11 years ago or I'm geographically challenged. Or, the fact I'm accomplishing this only by way of going to Israel in a few weeks means we'll have to compromise ... been to 'recently.' (which fits with #25)
   
3. See a natural wonder I haven’t yet seen
4. Photograph the perfect sunset
5. Find an extremely fulfilling opportunity to build community (see 4 organizations I volunteer for above … but I have a new one as of 11/10 too!)
6. Start writing down the etiquette lessons I preach to friends (Oh, and practice what I preach)
7. Make life more like the chocolate show
8. Find the perfect “at home” facial
9. Eat something that sparkles. 11/10/10 Work event included a dessert basket from Josh's place. Their mini rice crispy treats were not only delicious, but sparkled. That took no time at all!
   
10. Find the perfect pair of jeans
11. I have mad sewing skills – find time to use them on the bag of clothing that needs repair.
12. Ritualize dumpling night. 12/17/10 For the third "christmas" in a row, a meal where the dumplings are the star! I'll add more variations, but posted one recipe for spicy peanut chicken pot-stickers a while back. They are divine. This is a chanukah/december/christmas holiday tradition that will last forever.
    
13. Find a way to keep better track of the remote control
14. New Mantra: Farmers’ markets are great – other markets are supplements. No over-stuffing the fridge. Just because it looks good in the store doesn’t mean I have the time to cook it.
15. Try Bikram Yoga
16. ‘Discover’ a waterfall and spend the day picnicking and lounging beside it.
17. Have tea time at the Plaza (in general find an excuse to return to the oak room. What a good meal)
18. Walk the Brooklyn bridge (despite the cliché)
19. Have dinner at the four seasons –because my mother is still talking about her dinner there 35 years later.
20. Make a necklace with the beads collected from trips to DC’s store, Bedazzled.
21. Find NYC’s version of Teaism. Frequent it. Often.
22. Try five new foods!
23. Gamble more than $20 (preferably in AC or LV … go for it!)
24. Broadway : See Wicked on Broadway B. Decide to go to a show last minute (La Cage aux Folles, Life in the Theater)
25. Register for a class at Columbia University (ok, so it won’t be the first time, but it’ll be the first time in +5 years)
26. Check out “first Saturdays” at the Brooklyn Museum
    
27. Ice skate in Bryant park (I had hot chocolate there once, but had hurt my ankle and couldn't skate) 1/1/11 - My friend Andy has his own skates in the city and heads there at every chance he gets, so late at night after 'recovery brunch' and recovery nap we headed down there and he kept me distracted while we waited on the very long line... once I got on the ice I remembered how much I loved skating growing up... ahh, Parkwood... I just want to head out to my parent's place and pick up my skates and never get off the ice...
    
28. See a performance at Joe’s Pub
29. Stroll through the gardens at Wave Hill
30. Walk across the park for free Saturday at the Jewish Museum

Flying High

I don't know if this is a common sentiment, but I am most grateful for the things I don't understand... like flying safely - or really, flying at all.

I love to travel. Which you'd expect from someone who prides themselves on seeing, doing, tasting and experiencing all that life has to offer. I think it's pretty hunky dory that in Judaism, there's a prayer for distance travel (no matter the means - the point is if you're going from the 'gates' of one city to another) and even more than all of that, I love that I'm privileged enough to be able to carry this prayer with me as part of my travel. It's called the prayer of (being on) the path. Tefilat Haderech. It thanks God for protecting and keeping us, and our wares safe.

In particular, I realized how important this prayer was when I recently flew to Ottawa, Canada for the wedding of two close friends (another story of blessings, which I will share soon). I packed items for the wedding celebration that included "poppers." You know, those new year's items that spew confetti. They're marked flammable and probably contain a small amount of some explosive or other...

Why it didn't occur to me this might not be good a good item to transport in my luggage until mid-flight is beyond me, but luckily my over-active imagination is all that got charged in transit. My wares, along with me, arrived safely and just in time for a wonderful, unforgettable wedding weekend.

So, knowing that I made it through customs and security just fine, my moment of zen is pictured above. I was flying in a small plane and sat in seat 12 a which overlooked the propellers and the landing gear. I didn't know I was holding my breath in our descent until I saw the landing gear come down.

I guess we don't always realize what takes our breath away or what keeps it away until it comes back. In yoga and reiki there is a lot of talk of acknowledging where we are holding. Of the importance breath. Of awareness. It has been a few months since I thought about all three of those things in one idea, but certainly seeing the sun in alignment with the plane wheel as we pulled into the (Toronto - stop over) airport helped bring me that clarity.

I will share more about Ottawa in an upcoming post, the great accommodations and more importantly the two weddings which kicked off November. Just wanted to share my moment of gratitude and the gorgeous shot I captured as we went from being in flight to being grounded, air to earth, safely, soundly and in one piece.

I LOVE NEW YORK

July in New York has been jam packed with reasons to love it ... here are pictures and reports from my jaunts - including many reviews of restaurant week hot spots, cool concert venues and great friends galore. I must admit that any good NYC summer includes a weekend away from NYC - so while I can't report on the West Side fireworks display - I will soon post on my love affair with the summer sun and US spirit which pervaded DC. I have lived in and near NYC nearly fifteen years, yet I've only spent about 5 summers in Manhattan.

On that note, I'm a little sad that I only 'discovered' Shakespeare in the Park three summers ago.Also a bit sad that I didn't buy the apparel this year - as their 12th night inspired motto was "Crossdressing in the Park." As one of the fortunate few who did see the show I'm happy to report that Twelfth Night itself was an extraordinary win. With a history of films like "Devil Wears Prada" I did not know how talented that little Anne Hathaway was - and the rest of the cast was also sublime. Added bonus of my 2 tickets? They were a result of my first attempt at the "Virtual Line." This is a God send you'll have to google yourself, but I didn't miss camping out bright and early on a yoga mat with bugs and an egg sandwich delivery one bit... Logging on to find out my Thursday night date turned into sushi and Shakespeare couldn't have been a better treat. To make up for it, I scheduled a few picnics ... on my time, not at 6am.

Restaurant Week!

First, I'm not a huge fan of the term "foodie" partly because I predate it! But these culinary experiences may indeed make me qualify as one, if all of my previous cooking and dining forays did not. Either way, I really enjoy a good meal, and rarely can rationalize dropping the dough on it (eew, pun intended). This year I've enjoyed both lunches and dinners and I've got to thank the economy a little bit, because what was once two weeks has morphed into a summer long fest that I kicked off with visits to 4 restaurants this month ... and a few more reservations to come.

Nougatine ~ A ~ On our dining menu: Sweet Pea Soup, with Croutons, Brie And Dill, Artichoke, Mustard Mayonnaise chervil and lemon (with gerkins), Red Snapper, Lily-Bulb radish salad with white sesame and seabean (see photo above) This restaurant gets an A for all but the decor. My view was of central park though, and it's considered the "cafe" of Jean Georges so, if that's the case even decor was B+. (how can you equate limited bathrooms with your love of the food anyhow?)

I ask because the food was supreme. They don't specify what's an app and what's a main - just instruct you to select two dishes.I think the freedom pretty much lets you celebrate the menu and

your individual preferences. This delectable pea soup (which I wish I had ordered) after tasting it I am still asking ... why, why did I need an artichoke? - though it's pairing with mustard sauce and gerkins
was a treat -I was expecting more than a simply steamed vegetable
with dipping sauce. Although, the "more" was obvious in terms of service: a plate for my gnawed on leaves. Later in the meal - neatly arranged atop my fish,
I found myself enjoying vegetables I've written off in the past and others I'd rarely encountered. Versions of radishes that were savory and delish melted along with the fish in my mouth.
But the dessert was the most pleasant surprise. I could be disappointed that the chocolate cake was really more of a souflet but WHO would complain when they find melty chocolate beneath their layer of cake. Candied vanilla bean rests against a wonderfully fresh vanilla bean scoop... which tops cookie crumbs. Truly delectable.

Fishtail by David Burke ~ A- ~ He's renowned for his ability to be so inventive and his food is considered dynamic ... I finally discovered why!
For one, all that "Top Chef" rage of foam? I get it. My salmon with bok choy does look like it's covered in sea foam, but I've never wanted to lap up sea foam like this sauce. The chef could have opted for baby BC over full grown, but mostly because then I might not have needed the proper knife which was lacking for this tremendous vegetable. We actually started our meal with a terrine of wild mushrooms and gnocchi with asparagus that did not photograph anywhere near as beautifully as it tasted.

The gnocchi seemed to have been pan fried after cooking, so they attained a crisp carmelized layer that enhanced the soft fluffiness of the pasta while complimenting the earthy texture of the dish.
With the flavors already dead on, and playful whimsy of texture thus far the most important ground to cover was that we didn't opt for the bubblegum flavored lollipop cheesecake tree. Ok, the cheesecake lollipops aren't bg flavored, the whipped cream is. Either way... not for us. Instead, we split our desserts so I have to be grateful - because I had something I never would have ordered. An updated S'more! My order - I believe a salted caramel chocolate cake (?) was also decadent and devastatingly wonderful. But a deconstructed smore and homemade marshmallow. woah. one of a kind.

Tao ~A~ Post-bliss inducing salmon, YEEEEES Please! Can I go back now? Seems my lunches were major wins. App - Steamed vegetable dumplings with a cool cucumber salad. They weren't soo amazingly wonderful I have to go get more now, but they were quite good. And yes, that's a bamboo steamer you see. We did two entrees and split them - in this instance a bad call. When you see something that you know will be exactly what you want ... you don't want half of something else. Especially not when it's a lunch portion. The veggie noodle dish was just that. Unremarkable, though I think it was a pad thai. But the Salmon over Soba noodles .......... was........ a sauce to live for. I can't tell you what was in it, but I've been playing with combinations of white miso, sake and sesame

ever since in an attempt to recreate it. I opted for a light dessert of mixed fruit with tangerine sorbet. The sorbet was excellent. The (not quite exotic) fruit mostly came from a can (except the fresh berries aplop the top) - granted it made it very likely I can repeat the dessert at home - lychees, pineapple and mandarin oranges, fresh blackberries and raspberries - but nothing to write about. If it hadn't been for the wonder of the main course, and the fun decor, great mixed drink, helpful waiter or tempura banana in the center of the banana bread pudding, I would not have been quite as scintillated by the meal... but that sauce and the dining experience overpowered any other dish that could raise doubt in mind about getting my $'s worth.

Kept busy doing other "new york" summer activities too. Including a summer concert at City Winery. Howie Day performed... quite beautifully. Nothing goes quite so well with a concert as wine and cheese ...or at least that's what city winery tends to purport. Artichoke crostini's are super, but better was the discovery of a cheese I now hunt down at Murray's called morbier - two layers of sheep's cheese separated by ash. Sounds weird, tastes creamy and delish.

The ash separates the morning milking from the evening ... kind of neat. It's the top one with the dark coloring down the middle it has a slight rind, and is reminiscent of Brie. Enjoy it on crusty bread.

That's most of the food stuff I learned this summer. Also, don't go to Megu for restaurant week. I really wanted to like it, but their service failed, as it did for the table beside us. The green tea crepe cake, however, took the cake and impressed me to no end. But you can't order it. Dessert restaurant week is just chef's choice.