On Knowing it All (PT II)

So, will I be walking away from facebook? I have no inclination to do that.

I've had a little while to consider this love affair I have with FB. Quite honestly, the life cycle news circuit doesn't bother me (yet), it's really kind of like a synagogue newsletter with personal flair. But I must admit that I've limited my facebook news feed - to the friends who are nearest and dearest, or at least those who lead the most interesting and intellectual lives publicly via the site. I don't take issue with life cycle events. I love getting that information. And, I'll put it politely as possible, it's not that I don't like you for having the free time to take 20 quizzes a day or share your laundry habits with me, it's that I don't want to resent you for it. So, often, I decide that I've just got to let your updates go buhbye... at least, until it's 2am and I can't fall asleep and hit the "63 hidden posts" feed. If you don't know how to hide posts or applications, it's a simple click of the little button as you scroll over the right side of your news feed. Now as new people "friend" you, you can choose whether to include them in your feed.

The truth is that having over 1,000 facebook friends means that at certain times of day I can't realistically scan all of the things that appear on my news feed. I post at those peak times too - the 7-8:45am, 12-2pm, 5-6pm rushes... I love you all for it. We're such good employees that we don't want to "play" on facebook while we should be working. There are studies about what a distraction it is, there are others saying it helps us focus... either way... good for you for working hard.

I find it especially enticing to "play" on facebook because it's right there on my phone. When I'm stuck on the bus or just waiting around, it passes the time. Here's also to admitting that I do like being connected and in the know about all of my friends. But now that summer has started and I have something calendared for every night of the week (more on all that in upcoming posts), I'm less likely to find myself with spare time. So here are the lurking questions - if I'm spending time playing a game online with a friend, why am I not taking that time to talk to him or her? When I play scrabble with someone in person, we jest, we interact. Getting a notification doesn't quite compare to those moments. I am left, still, questioning the value of facebook vs face time.

So, with that in mind, the steps I've taken thus far include a vigorous cleaning up my news feed. A while ago I made sure that none of my applications post to my news feed. You don't need to know about my addiction to mafia wars. I've thought about cleaning up who I share my own updates with too, but I'm not sure if that's more offensive than just living my life out loud. Larry raises a good point - I used the extreme examples because they are extremes. But when I'm finding the time to post a wall update but not make a personal call or write an email, am I breaking down relationships instead of building them?

What it is great for:

Advice! All you people are so knowledgeable! Whether I need a recipe STAT, consumer advice, computer freak outs, or a suggestion for great drinks, you all know where it's at and are happy to share. Thank you for being able to contribute to my awareness that google does not know it all.
Sharing (actual) news: I hardly need to read CNN, with 5 of my friends posting responses to news events and great articles like the "Gayby Boom" and I love that the NYT feed keeps me updated, if there are a few too many plane accidents and incidents for my liking.
Insights: Hey, I liked your AIM away messages once upon a time, inspired or inspiring, share it with me
Making contact: I've lived many places in my life, participated in many different activities and meet new people all the time - what a great way to reunite. But ... Oh, I am so guilty of this it hurts. There are instances when taking it from FB to reality is a natural next step - I still haven't called a childhood friend to catch up. She asked me to do so months ago. (Now that I've admitted it, I plan to try her this afternoon.)
Travel: More than in the advice category of planning a trip. We move around a lot. I'm headed to DC this afternoon and used FB to check who's there. Better, after emailing a few friends to let them know, I not only had restuarant suggestions and plans, but multiple offers for a place to stay. You guys are godsends. I'm also hosting up a storm this summer of passers-thru NYC. It's just great for us all to be so connected.

Despite all of that, I will still question your "last minute tickets" posts, because I hope that you called/emailed your core friends/family/colleagues first to offer them those hot spots next to you. I will wonder how you find the time to take twenty quizzes when the best books you read were 10 years ago in college. I do it to myself, so I'll do it to you. I'm also almost likely to be entertained if the quiz is really pertinent - which Ivy are you, which 80s toy - gosh that's cute.

I also want to address the extremes one last time. I have the utmost respect for my friends who managed to make the list of phone calls and share the news with me personally before their engagements hit the internet. These women know who they are. I couldn't be happier or prouder to have received these calls, because it connotes a certain tone of intimacy that many of us are just losing in our relationships. I was also asked in certain of these instances to keep the buzz of excitement off the internet for a while. Props to you all for remembering how to communicate with the world. Similar props to the email birth announcement, so great to see a picture of your daughter in my inbox only hours after she was born.

I must admit, that sometimes I hide behind facebook (or emails) to avoid using my words. I am not sure that I have ever done it with the intention to hurt any more than I have made the decision not to invite someone to a party or a meal with the best of all possible intentions - to surround myself with the people who I love most, who support me most, and to whom I would give the utmost support. So, if in the process you're entertained knowing about my ventures or reactions, I'll try to keep those breif posts upbeat and avoid the mundane that will have you hiding me from your own news feed.
Are you considering treating facebook differently? I didn't even consider work ramifications, networking or resourcing friends for more than travel. What changes have you made or might you?